Are You Addicted to Something? High-Functioning Addiction, Compulsive Habits & Spiritual Freedom

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Have you ever watched an episode of a show and 10 minutes in fallen in love with it and then found yourself binge watching the whole series late into the night?

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Or heard a song that hit you right in the emotions so much that you played it on repeat until you had every word memorized?

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Or maybe it was something simpler,

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a snack,

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a meal,

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a small comfort.

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That satisfied you so deeply you wanted it again almost immediately.

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On the surface,

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these habits seem harmless.

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But let me ask you something deeper.

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What kind of show was it?

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Would you feel comfortable watching it with God sitting beside you?

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What about the song?

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Would the lyrics make your mom blush?

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And here's the harder question.

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When does enjoyment turn into impulse and impulse turn into dependence?

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Have you ever considered that some of our most normal habits might actually be subtle forms of addiction?

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I hadn't,

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not fully,

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until I met Steve Ward,

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founder and executive director of Steps.

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an online database of resources dedicated to helping people live better.

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Through our conversation,

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I began to realize that even the simplest obsessions can quietly grow into something that shapes us more than we intended.

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This season,

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we're taking an honest look at addiction,

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not just the obvious life-altering kinds,

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but the quieter patterns,

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the habits we excuse,

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the...

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comforts we run to instead of God.

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I'm Anna Murby,

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and this is Honest Christian Conversations.

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If this is your first time listening,

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I'm really glad you're here.

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And if you've been listening for a while,

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thank you,

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my friend.

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Before we begin,

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today's conversation may feel heavy,

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but it comes from a place of love.

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My heart is not to shame.

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It's to invite freedom.

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So take a moment.

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Pray.

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Ask God to reveal anything he may want to gently uncover in your heart.

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Because freedom doesn't always happen in one conversation.

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If you find yourself wanting to go deeper in confronting unhealthy habits or patterns of addiction,

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I also host a private podcast where we walk through this journey more personally and prayerfully.

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You can find the details in the show notes.

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All right,

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let's get to the show.

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Steve,

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thank you so much for coming on.

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I am very excited to talk to you about what it is that you do with your Steps program.

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But before we actually get into that,

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let's dig a little bit into your past.

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I know that the reason you created Steps is near and dear to your heart because of the things that you have experienced in your own life and the lives of those of your loved ones.

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So please share with

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with us what your experiences were with addiction and why you started Steps.

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I'll be glad to.

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And it's good to be here.

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Thank you so much.

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Most of us have a story,

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and very often those stories shape us one way or the other,

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either for good or for bad.

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And what is very interesting about how God seems to have chosen to work is sometimes he uses what seem to be our worst struggles to lead to the most powerful change in our lives.

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So with us,

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three of the four members of my nuclear family struggled with substance abuse.

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Myself,

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my wife,

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and our older son.

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And our journeys are all a bit different.

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There's some commonalities,

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but I was,

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I'll use the term,

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a high-functioning alcoholic for a long time.

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I was in the business world for 38 years.

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And I use that term not to act like I was less than an alcoholic,

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but because a lot of people don't understand this concept of high-functioning addiction.

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They think anybody who struggles with addiction is lying in the street with a needle in their arm or a bag of wine in a paper bag.

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That's not the story at all.

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People are addicted to lots of things.

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With substances,

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it's very often a lot of senior people in businesses or your head salesman or your VP of operations.

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Or it could be the soccer mom or the secretary at your church.

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Sure,

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it could be anybody because,

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you know,

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I don't know.

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A great number of people struggle with something.

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So that's why I use that term to describe me.

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My wife's journey was a little different.

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She had been in the business world.

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And then when he had two kids,

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she stayed home with them for a while.

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And then when they left,

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as is often the case with...

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many women sometimes,

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that left a gap in her life.

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So she kind of went into a period of depression and alcohol became her coping mechanism of choice during that.

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My older son,

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totally different.

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Both our boys were raised in the church and went to Christian schools growing up.

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But right before he went into middle school,

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we moved from Florida back up to Atlanta,

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Georgia.

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And so he went to a school and he was very self-assured and confident and popular.

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But he had to choose a new group of people to hang around with.

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And even in that school,

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the group he happened to choose were a lot of kids who were making bad choices.

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So he wound up going on a journey that lasted about a decade that were that involved alcohol and drugs and various other issues.

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And it got very,

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very dark at times.

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So

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I can go in any deeper in any of those journeys if you want.

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But those experiences where

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I'm experiencing recovery for myself.

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and as a husband and as a dad.

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And I actually was incredibly excited about what the world of recovery is like.

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And I discovered some things that most people don't know,

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right?

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A,

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that we're all addicted to something,

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right?

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We all have issues,

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either mental health issues or addiction issues that maybe we know about them,

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but maybe we're in denial or maybe we aren't even aware.

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But the good news is not only are those issues treatable,

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in many cases,

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they are potentially preventable.

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So it was really that epiphany,

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I think,

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that led me to a few years later,

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leave the business world and found Stets Ministries.

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I'm very intrigued by the fact that you had to emphasize three out of four of those in your family,

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which means one of your children never showed signs of having an addiction along the lines of substance abuse.

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Like you said,

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everything can be an addiction.

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Can you speak into it a little bit?

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how

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they managed to not fall into this when it was so prevalent around them and not necessarily condoned,

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but I guess just proven that maybe this could be your fate too.

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That's a good question because in families,

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right,

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addiction tends to be generational in nature.

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In other words,

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if one of your parents struggled,

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then the odds are 50%

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higher that you will.

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They haven't traced whether that's

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just genetically or behaviorally based,

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but the facts say that.

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So with him,

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I think part of it is based on how God designed him.

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He's a very thoughtful,

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self-aware person who just,

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I don't know,

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ever since he was a teenager,

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I thought,

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that's one of the wisest young men I know.

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I want to grow up to be like him when I get old.

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So he was very thoughtful.

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He wasn't affected very much by things like peer pressure,

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right?

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His sense of identity was good.

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So for any parents out there who have teenagers,

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I'll flip those around,

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right?

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If you have a son or daughter whose sense of identity is not solid,

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they don't know who they are,

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they don't have a foundation,

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they think desperately about wanting to fit in and be like the other people,

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which is very common,

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teenage straight.

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You need to keep your eye on that.

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But that wasn't the case with him.

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Also with him in the sixth grade.

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He came to a personal faith.

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He was in a church youth group.

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And for him,

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it was sincere.

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It wasn't a nod my head because my youth pastor wants me to kind of a thing.

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It was real.

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So ever since,

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his faith has been very real.

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So you take those combination of attributes that he was given,

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self-awareness,

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a sense of identity,

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a feeling at peace with himself,

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not a driving desire to do what other people want me to do.

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And then you give it the supernatural boost of accepting.

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Jesus into your life and having the Holy Spirit with you.

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And those things together are what has served him very well through his life.

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I'll say,

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man,

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it sounds like he had a firm foundation from the very beginning,

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which is not something you hear very often,

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even from adults.

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That is inspiring.

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And I hope you who's listening right now,

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if you have a teenager and you look at them and you're like they just

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They don't seem interested in Christ.

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I have one right now who's kind of in that area,

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and I have an older one who's completely walked away.

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So

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I get the discouragement you get from that.

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And when you hear these kind of stories of teenagers who,

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you know,

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are living out their faith and they love Jesus,

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they're making it their own.

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Let's not be jealous.

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Let's praise the Lord and let's.

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keep praying earnestly for our own children.

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We don't want them to struggle,

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of course,

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but we can't make them find Jesus.

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That's their journey.

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Yeah.

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And by the way,

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I think my other son can be an encouragement to people as well.

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Because first,

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I'll make the statement that they were both raised the same way.

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Now,

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they had a different bent and they made different choices.

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But I talk to a lot of parents who think,

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well,

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that can't happen in our family,

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which is an incredibly naive way to think.

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Because in any family,

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probably.

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So anyway,

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he was raised the same way.

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Even though he was very,

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he's a very strong extrovert,

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he was very popular,

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but he ended,

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his sense of self tended to be a little bit outside in.

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He wanted to be in the cool crowd and he wanted people to like him.

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So you wouldn't know it that way,

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but that's how he was wired.

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So therefore,

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it was easier for him to get drawn into things.

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And

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I said that his journey was dark for a while,

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but also want to be encouraging.

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My wife and I,

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I guess you could argue we made mistakes along the way.

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I do a lot of teaching and writing on...

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parenting,

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by the way.

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But some of the things I think we did right were our boys always knew that we loved them no matter what.

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We were always there for them and we persevered.

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And with him,

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he went on a 10-year journey that was dark,

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but he came out of it.

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He found his way and he now is doing very well in the business world.

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He got married three years ago.

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A year ago,

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he gave us a wonderful granddaughter and he's an incredible young man and a husband and a dad.

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And he and I will have this conversation a lot.

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I'll say,

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you know,

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son,

265
00:11:32.351 --> 00:11:35.153
you're now the man that God created you to be,

266
00:11:35.293 --> 00:11:36.813
not just in spite of your problems,

267
00:11:36.873 --> 00:11:38.774
but in many cases because of them.

268
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And he gets that.

269
00:11:40.515 --> 00:11:41.655
He understands that.

270
00:11:41.775 --> 00:11:41.975
Right.

271
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He's he's been where young people haven't been.

272
00:11:44.677 --> 00:11:48.278
And he's worked through recovery and his faith to come back.

273
00:11:49.159 --> 00:11:50.299
So he's now actually,

274
00:11:50.339 --> 00:11:50.599
I think,

275
00:11:51.059 --> 00:11:54.461
more prepared for the rest of his life than a lot of other young people are.

276
00:11:54.909 --> 00:11:57.191
Maybe they haven't struggled enough and they don't know what they don't know.

277
00:11:57.852 --> 00:12:00.494
And maybe their faith is shallow rather than real and deep.

278
00:12:00.534 --> 00:12:02.616
And maybe they don't have the resilience they think they do.

279
00:12:02.696 --> 00:12:03.797
And so when things come apart,

280
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they may not be prepared.

281
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Parents can't control how their son or daughter raise,

282
00:12:08.421 --> 00:12:09.201
including their faith,

283
00:12:09.242 --> 00:12:10.102
as you were talking about.

284
00:12:10.943 --> 00:12:12.785
But you can just and you don't have to be perfect.

285
00:12:12.945 --> 00:12:13.545
You really don't.

286
00:12:13.805 --> 00:12:16.087
But just do your best one day at a time.

287
00:12:16.228 --> 00:12:20.171
Be thoughtful and proactive and intentional and sincere and real.

288
00:12:20.291 --> 00:12:21.832
And God's in charge of the rest.

289
00:12:22.849 --> 00:12:30.835
That's absolutely encouraging for anybody who's needing that kind of encouragement.

290
00:12:30.876 --> 00:12:33.858
Just soak it in right now because

291
00:12:35.499 --> 00:12:37.261
God's in control ultimately,

292
00:12:37.301 --> 00:12:38.362
and that's what matters.

293
00:12:40.283 --> 00:12:40.403
So

294
00:12:40.944 --> 00:12:42.845
Steve, share with us,

295
00:12:43.205 --> 00:12:45.267
what is the steps?

296
00:12:47.549 --> 00:12:47.669
So

297
00:12:48.330 --> 00:12:50.752
I mentioned the epiphany I had in recovery where I saw that,

298
00:12:51.072 --> 00:12:51.232
well,

299
00:12:51.292 --> 00:12:52.453
everybody struggles with something.

300
00:12:52.573 --> 00:12:52.793
Because,

301
00:12:53.214 --> 00:12:53.414
you know,

302
00:12:53.415 --> 00:12:56.096
I say that I'll use the term we're all addicted to something because,

303
00:12:56.797 --> 00:12:57.017
you know,

304
00:12:57.457 --> 00:12:57.778
frankly,

305
00:12:58.798 --> 00:13:02.942
more than half of families in the United States have someone who's struggling with substance abuse or mental health.

306
00:13:02.982 --> 00:13:04.623
It's it's everywhere.

307
00:13:04.664 --> 00:13:06.005
But most people don't talk about it.

308
00:13:06.665 --> 00:13:08.247
And addiction takes many forms.

309
00:13:08.248 --> 00:13:08.447
I mean,

310
00:13:08.487 --> 00:13:10.829
people are aware of being addicted to alcohol and drugs.

311
00:13:11.850 --> 00:13:12.731
And when you mention it,

312
00:13:13.231 --> 00:13:14.652
that you can be addicted to behaviors,

313
00:13:14.672 --> 00:13:15.173
they kind of.

314
00:13:16.093 --> 00:13:16.254
OK,

315
00:13:16.494 --> 00:13:18.075
I guess if you mention things like,

316
00:13:18.076 --> 00:13:18.195
well,

317
00:13:18.196 --> 00:13:20.037
you can be addicted to gambling or.

318
00:13:20.525 --> 00:13:36.812
pornography or so they kind of go oh okay i get it but then when you extend that thought and say well you can also be addicted to food disorders and they go okay i get that well guess what you can also be addicted to people pleasing or spending money or

319
00:13:36.912 --> 00:13:49.197
control or anger or work and i could go on and on right an addiction is a compulsive habit we do over and over again that has negative consequences that we find hard to stop we're all addicted to something

320
00:13:50.217 --> 00:13:50.337
So

321
00:13:51.038 --> 00:13:52.779
I actually enjoyed recovery.

322
00:13:53.200 --> 00:13:55.902
And I saw that everybody could benefit from this.

323
00:13:56.162 --> 00:14:01.446
Because recovery is not some dark art form about just dealing with substances.

324
00:14:01.526 --> 00:14:03.868
It's about how do you live life effectively,

325
00:14:04.909 --> 00:14:05.389
emotionally,

326
00:14:05.530 --> 00:14:05.950
mentally,

327
00:14:06.310 --> 00:14:06.851
spiritually,

328
00:14:06.971 --> 00:14:07.351
socially,

329
00:14:07.391 --> 00:14:07.912
and personally.

330
00:14:07.913 --> 00:14:08.992
That's what recovery is all about.

331
00:14:09.133 --> 00:14:10.033
And I thought,

332
00:14:11.054 --> 00:14:13.816
why do we wait until people crash and burn and then send them to recovery?

333
00:14:13.856 --> 00:14:14.777
That makes no sense.

334
00:14:15.418 --> 00:14:19.301
Why don't we help people learn how to live right in the first place?

335
00:14:19.789 --> 00:14:20.790
So you ask the question,

336
00:14:21.611 --> 00:14:24.813
where do people learn how to live life effectively?

337
00:14:25.674 --> 00:14:26.234
Emotionally,

338
00:14:26.394 --> 00:14:26.795
mentally,

339
00:14:26.915 --> 00:14:27.255
socially,

340
00:14:27.315 --> 00:14:27.976
spiritually,

341
00:14:28.176 --> 00:14:28.676
and personally?

342
00:14:29.457 --> 00:14:31.478
The answer is most of them don't.

343
00:14:31.739 --> 00:14:33.660
They make it up as they go,

344
00:14:33.720 --> 00:14:33.960
right?

345
00:14:34.361 --> 00:14:40.025
We experience life and we create coping mechanisms and little tools that we use to live life,

346
00:14:40.766 --> 00:14:41.927
but we don't have to live that way.

347
00:14:42.207 --> 00:14:46.430
We don't have to be a victim of our anxiety or a victim of our addictions.

348
00:14:46.450 --> 00:14:49.433
We can have relationships that are deeper.

349
00:14:49.925 --> 00:14:51.827
And then rather than just shallow,

350
00:14:52.047 --> 00:14:53.669
wherever we are in our spiritual journey,

351
00:14:53.729 --> 00:14:53.889
right,

352
00:14:53.890 --> 00:14:54.650
we can find out that,

353
00:14:54.910 --> 00:14:55.190
wow,

354
00:14:55.491 --> 00:14:58.373
God is real and that he actually loves me.

355
00:14:58.473 --> 00:15:01.416
So we can develop those things one step at a time.

356
00:15:01.516 --> 00:15:01.977
It started.

357
00:15:02.538 --> 00:15:05.379
When I was in that space and I wrote my first book,

358
00:15:05.699 --> 00:15:06.779
which was called Steps,

359
00:15:06.780 --> 00:15:08.400
A Daily Journey to a Better Life,

360
00:15:09.000 --> 00:15:11.621
it really was taking a lot of the principles you learn in recovery,

361
00:15:11.681 --> 00:15:14.401
but I was trying to translate them to the rest of the world.

362
00:15:14.481 --> 00:15:16.982
It wasn't about recovering from substance abuse.

363
00:15:16.983 --> 00:15:18.863
It was about living life effectively.

364
00:15:19.863 --> 00:15:24.144
And I got so much satisfaction out of that process,

365
00:15:24.524 --> 00:15:31.246
and it verified how many people were struggling and the fact that everybody needs help along the way.

366
00:15:32.066 --> 00:15:33.908
And so a couple of years later,

367
00:15:33.948 --> 00:15:39.251
I created my exit strategy from the business world and eight years ago founded Steps Ministries.

368
00:15:39.392 --> 00:15:41.193
So we provide help,

369
00:15:41.253 --> 00:15:42.574
healing and hope for hurting people.

370
00:15:42.794 --> 00:15:44.735
Help is practical steps to live life better.

371
00:15:45.016 --> 00:15:48.978
Healing is encouragement because other people have been where you are and they've gotten through.

372
00:15:49.519 --> 00:15:50.840
And hope is the fact that,

373
00:15:51.460 --> 00:15:51.700
you know,

374
00:15:51.740 --> 00:15:56.604
you can't have a realistic assurance of a positive future because there are things you can do that will help.

375
00:15:56.924 --> 00:15:58.665
And God will be with you every step of the way.

376
00:15:59.918 --> 00:16:04.321
We provide online resources and digital resources for individuals who are struggling,

377
00:16:04.782 --> 00:16:05.903
people who are close to them,

378
00:16:06.123 --> 00:16:07.604
parents and caregivers,

379
00:16:07.764 --> 00:16:08.244
for youth,

380
00:16:08.384 --> 00:16:09.065
for teenagers,

381
00:16:09.125 --> 00:16:11.046
and for organizations who serve those people.

382
00:16:11.947 --> 00:16:14.749
Just to try to share resources with them so they can live life better,

383
00:16:14.829 --> 00:16:15.630
grow closer to God,

384
00:16:15.730 --> 00:16:20.153
and prevent behavioral health issues from becoming life-altering crises.

385
00:16:20.714 --> 00:16:22.215
You said a lot,

386
00:16:22.695 --> 00:16:23.976
and it was amazing,

387
00:16:24.056 --> 00:16:24.697
and I love it.

388
00:16:25.117 --> 00:16:25.958
I definitely...

389
00:16:28.730 --> 00:16:32.253
I was one of those people who thought

390
00:16:32.613 --> 00:16:33.493
I had a problem.

391
00:16:33.533 --> 00:16:33.734
Like,

392
00:16:34.034 --> 00:16:34.634
for example,

393
00:16:34.674 --> 00:16:35.655
with my pornography,

394
00:16:37.476 --> 00:16:40.358
I knew I had a problem with looking at pornography,

395
00:16:40.478 --> 00:16:42.279
but I never called it an addiction.

396
00:16:42.660 --> 00:16:48.604
I didn't do that until I confessed it and finally was ready to be done with it 17 years later.

397
00:16:49.464 --> 00:16:51.366
But I had a problem with it.

398
00:16:52.566 --> 00:16:57.629
It kind of goes back to what you were saying about being a high-functioning alcoholic.

399
00:16:57.749 --> 00:17:00.050
People probably couldn't tell you were an alcoholic.

400
00:17:01.231 --> 00:17:01.611
With me,

401
00:17:01.691 --> 00:17:03.432
you couldn't tell I was into pornography.

402
00:17:03.472 --> 00:17:05.073
I knew how to cover my tracks.

403
00:17:05.894 --> 00:17:06.014
I,

404
00:17:06.015 --> 00:17:07.534
you know,

405
00:17:07.675 --> 00:17:12.317
it wasn't an obvious thing and nobody knew about it until I started telling people.

406
00:17:14.879 --> 00:17:18.481
But I knew about it and I hated myself for it and I just wanted,

407
00:17:19.421 --> 00:17:20.962
I just wanted it to stop.

408
00:17:21.290 --> 00:17:22.711
and I could never stop it.

409
00:17:23.251 --> 00:17:26.232
I could go maybe a month without even looking at it,

410
00:17:26.233 --> 00:17:26.852
no problem,

411
00:17:26.952 --> 00:17:32.195
but then it would come back and it would come back with a vengeance and it might stay for a week,

412
00:17:32.235 --> 00:17:33.475
it could stay for a whole month.

413
00:17:33.675 --> 00:17:41.879
But I just wish that I had a program like this that would help teach me the fundamentals of why I'm doing this,

414
00:17:42.439 --> 00:17:43.459
how to stop it,

415
00:17:44.020 --> 00:17:46.160
what my actual identity is,

416
00:17:46.401 --> 00:17:49.722
and just remind me that anything can be an addiction.

417
00:17:50.674 --> 00:17:52.796
Even like you mentioned anger,

418
00:17:52.976 --> 00:17:53.956
you mentioned food.

419
00:17:54.517 --> 00:17:59.640
I had an addiction to anger forever because for a while I was bottling it all up.

420
00:18:00.241 --> 00:18:03.062
And then when I decided I was no longer going to do that,

421
00:18:03.543 --> 00:18:05.904
I started getting angry at the drop of a hat.

422
00:18:06.625 --> 00:18:10.647
And there's something about anger where you don't like it,

423
00:18:11.528 --> 00:18:15.251
but it gives this really good feeling when you get it off your chest.

424
00:18:15.491 --> 00:18:17.852
And that's scary.

425
00:18:17.872 --> 00:18:19.153
Yeah,

426
00:18:19.233 --> 00:18:19.593
I just,

427
00:18:19.854 --> 00:18:20.274
I think.

428
00:18:20.494 --> 00:18:25.616
that your program is going to be really helpful for someone who's listening right now.

429
00:18:25.816 --> 00:18:27.057
And they can just resonate.

430
00:18:27.117 --> 00:18:29.518
Maybe you called out what their addiction was.

431
00:18:29.618 --> 00:18:30.398
Maybe you didn't,

432
00:18:30.978 --> 00:18:33.519
but they're feeling it.

433
00:18:33.620 --> 00:18:33.760
Yeah,

434
00:18:33.960 --> 00:18:36.061
I need something like steps.

435
00:18:36.221 --> 00:18:37.381
I need to know more.

436
00:18:37.821 --> 00:18:38.502
How do you,

437
00:18:39.722 --> 00:18:42.183
if you work with somebody and they're saying,

438
00:18:42.303 --> 00:18:42.423
oh,

439
00:18:42.463 --> 00:18:44.084
I have a problem with this,

440
00:18:44.864 --> 00:18:49.066
and they don't really seem like it's that.

441
00:18:49.186 --> 00:18:49.806
big of a deal,

442
00:18:49.926 --> 00:18:56.788
but you're seeing that it's a big deal either because you're seeing what they're not seeing and this is a full-blown addiction already,

443
00:18:57.828 --> 00:19:01.730
or maybe you just see that it's getting to that point,

444
00:19:01.850 --> 00:19:03.030
but they don't see it yet.

445
00:19:03.190 --> 00:19:04.550
How do you approach that?

446
00:19:07.251 --> 00:19:13.613
It's interesting that at the foundation of a lot of recovery programs out there are some of these things called the 12 steps.

447
00:19:13.773 --> 00:19:16.374
Some people may have heard about them or bumped into them.

448
00:19:16.414 --> 00:19:17.594
It's the foundation of

449
00:19:18.326 --> 00:19:22.927
of Alcoholics Anonymous and Narcotics Anonymous and Celebrate Recovery and 200 different groups out there.

450
00:19:23.127 --> 00:19:25.748
And if you look at the first step of the 12,

451
00:19:26.888 --> 00:19:33.170
it's accepting that there's something in your life that you're not able to manage and that you need other help.

452
00:19:33.350 --> 00:19:33.850
So in other words,

453
00:19:34.390 --> 00:19:38.792
it's the first step to recognize that you have a problem,

454
00:19:39.432 --> 00:19:39.612
right?

455
00:19:39.692 --> 00:19:40.832
And we don't want to do that.

456
00:19:41.412 --> 00:19:41.952
We spend,

457
00:19:42.593 --> 00:19:42.833
you know,

458
00:19:42.853 --> 00:19:44.253
your podcast is on,

459
00:19:44.773 --> 00:19:45.833
you know,

460
00:19:46.234 --> 00:19:47.434
having honest conversations,

461
00:19:47.454 --> 00:19:47.614
right?

462
00:19:47.854 --> 00:19:49.657
We don't have honest conversations with ourselves.

463
00:19:49.917 --> 00:19:51.540
We lie to ourselves all the time.

464
00:19:52.882 --> 00:19:53.984
We tell ourselves that,

465
00:19:54.705 --> 00:19:54.945
you know,

466
00:19:55.366 --> 00:19:57.810
we're good at that and we don't have a problem with that.

467
00:19:58.110 --> 00:20:00.093
We lie to ourselves all the time.

468
00:20:00.134 --> 00:20:02.457
And it's dangerous.

469
00:20:03.640 --> 00:20:08.584
But it's unbelievably freeing when you learn to become more honest with yourself.

470
00:20:09.665 --> 00:20:14.089
And that includes accepting the fact that we are all addicted to something.

471
00:20:14.569 --> 00:20:16.251
And in the spiritual world,

472
00:20:16.351 --> 00:20:17.111
we're all sinners.

473
00:20:17.251 --> 00:20:19.173
We all have things that we do wrong.

474
00:20:19.733 --> 00:20:20.774
That's not the exception.

475
00:20:20.834 --> 00:20:21.555
That's the norm.

476
00:20:22.075 --> 00:20:24.057
And if you're a human being who's still breathing,

477
00:20:24.437 --> 00:20:26.119
you're in that category.

478
00:20:26.359 --> 00:20:27.600
It's okay not to be okay,

479
00:20:27.660 --> 00:20:28.921
but you don't have to stay that way.

480
00:20:29.621 --> 00:20:32.864
The first step is recognizing that you do have an issue.

481
00:20:33.833 --> 00:20:47.044
And if you recognize you have an issue and if you're willing to involve God in your recovery process and you're willing to try to take steps in the right direction,

482
00:20:47.985 --> 00:20:49.006
that's a great start.

483
00:20:49.706 --> 00:20:50.447
It's a great start.

484
00:20:51.007 --> 00:20:58.854
There are other things you may need to do to get there and you may have stops and starts and you may have relapses and everybody's journey toward recovery is different.

485
00:20:59.174 --> 00:21:01.096
There's not a cookie cutter way.

486
00:21:01.852 --> 00:21:05.175
But it all involves being honest with God,

487
00:21:05.695 --> 00:21:06.776
being honest with yourself,

488
00:21:07.357 --> 00:21:08.417
being honest with others,

489
00:21:09.358 --> 00:21:13.401
and then putting kind of daily and weekly disciplines in place to keep you on track.

490
00:21:14.262 --> 00:21:17.765
And then you will reach a place where you have had an awakening,

491
00:21:18.025 --> 00:21:18.265
you know,

492
00:21:18.266 --> 00:21:21.548
a personal and a spiritual awakening where you'll feel like,

493
00:21:22.249 --> 00:21:23.970
why didn't everybody live this way?

494
00:21:24.771 --> 00:21:26.352
And you'll want to share it with other people,

495
00:21:26.472 --> 00:21:26.652
right?

496
00:21:26.653 --> 00:21:31.396
Which led me to leave the business world and go do this just because it just seems like.

497
00:21:31.396 --> 00:21:32.617
Like that's what we're supposed to do,

498
00:21:33.137 --> 00:21:33.398
you know?

499
00:21:33.598 --> 00:21:35.619
So I do want to be encouraging to people is that

500
00:21:36.640 --> 00:21:38.662
I know that you're struggling out there,

501
00:21:38.922 --> 00:21:44.226
but accept that that's normal and know that there are steps you can take that will help.

502
00:21:44.427 --> 00:21:45.548
There's no magic wand,

503
00:21:46.128 --> 00:21:47.589
but there are steps that will help.

504
00:21:48.550 --> 00:21:50.632
Other people have been exactly where you are,

505
00:21:50.872 --> 00:21:51.352
I promise,

506
00:21:51.512 --> 00:21:52.874
probably millions of them.

507
00:21:53.314 --> 00:21:57.798
And many of them have gotten better and gone on to have a wonderful,

508
00:21:57.858 --> 00:22:00.119
wonderful life without that problem anymore.

509
00:22:01.036 --> 00:22:04.518
And you can have a positive assurance or a realistic future.

510
00:22:04.618 --> 00:22:05.739
There are steps you can take.

511
00:22:06.239 --> 00:22:08.521
Other people have done it and God will be with you.

512
00:22:08.941 --> 00:22:10.282
So everybody struggles.

513
00:22:10.462 --> 00:22:12.223
And the difference is,

514
00:22:12.783 --> 00:22:17.506
do we become aware of it and start taking positive steps or do we just live in our denial?

515
00:22:18.607 --> 00:22:18.727
Yeah.

516
00:22:19.767 --> 00:22:22.649
Living in denial is sucky.

517
00:22:24.810 --> 00:22:25.691
It's not helpful.

518
00:22:25.851 --> 00:22:27.312
It's just delaying.

519
00:22:28.032 --> 00:22:31.815
the inevitable when you finally realize you have a problem.

520
00:22:32.896 --> 00:22:42.543
And then you look back and you see all those years you wasted where you could have gotten better and started off on a good foot earlier.

521
00:22:43.764 --> 00:22:52.270
So if you're listening to this and you do have an addiction or you think that you might have an addiction to something,

522
00:22:52.350 --> 00:22:55.172
please don't hesitate.

523
00:22:55.400 --> 00:22:56.421
to reach out to me,

524
00:22:56.721 --> 00:23:00.343
honestchristianconversations.com slash contact.

525
00:23:01.144 --> 00:23:04.606
You can ask for prayer and I will help you by praying with you.

526
00:23:05.327 --> 00:23:06.488
You can't do this alone.

527
00:23:06.489 --> 00:23:08.089
You don't want to do this alone.

528
00:23:08.749 --> 00:23:09.390
Recovery,

529
00:23:11.271 --> 00:23:12.172
you need a community.

530
00:23:13.152 --> 00:23:14.313
Like Steve mentioned,

531
00:23:14.433 --> 00:23:18.716
there's a lot of people around the world going through the same thing you're going through.

532
00:23:19.196 --> 00:23:21.578
Maybe not quite the same way you're going through it,

533
00:23:21.618 --> 00:23:23.199
but they are going through it as well.

534
00:23:23.960 --> 00:23:24.260
We've...

535
00:23:24.600 --> 00:23:26.802
just shared the struggles we had,

536
00:23:27.623 --> 00:23:29.764
alcohol addiction and pornography addiction.

537
00:23:30.105 --> 00:23:34.108
There's a lot of women who have the same addiction that I do,

538
00:23:34.408 --> 00:23:37.531
and they're afraid to say something about it.

539
00:23:37.571 --> 00:23:38.752
And that's not okay.

540
00:23:39.353 --> 00:23:48.881
We should never be afraid to come to the throne of Christ and ask him for help and allow the people into our lives that he is bringing in there to help us.

541
00:23:49.721 --> 00:23:52.804
And Steve and his Steps program are

542
00:23:53.184 --> 00:23:54.405
one of those avenues.

543
00:23:55.326 --> 00:23:55.446
So

544
00:23:56.447 --> 00:24:03.172
Steve, is this a program that is worldwide or is it central to where you live?

545
00:24:04.393 --> 00:24:09.618
It's worldwide in that most of the resources that we put together are available online and digitally.

546
00:24:10.138 --> 00:24:10.378
I mean,

547
00:24:10.738 --> 00:24:15.502
I do speak and teach to the degree that I can,

548
00:24:16.743 --> 00:24:21.727
but I just felt called to build a ministry that was kind of scalable and multipliable.

549
00:24:22.668 --> 00:24:26.309
So the vast majority of what we supply is online.

550
00:24:26.310 --> 00:24:28.750
It's either on our website or you can get to it from there.

551
00:24:28.930 --> 00:24:32.351
So if anyone goes to lifeimprovementsteps.com,

552
00:24:33.071 --> 00:24:33.931
if you're an individual,

553
00:24:34.011 --> 00:24:35.292
click on the tab for individual.

554
00:24:35.572 --> 00:24:38.913
And you'll see a set of resources for behavioral health.

555
00:24:39.313 --> 00:24:41.154
It's understanding emotional well-being,

556
00:24:41.374 --> 00:24:42.334
dealing with anxiety,

557
00:24:42.594 --> 00:24:44.335
preventing addiction and bad habits,

558
00:24:44.535 --> 00:24:45.575
understanding recovery,

559
00:24:46.315 --> 00:24:48.976
learning about high-functioning addiction and things like that.

560
00:24:49.928 --> 00:24:53.815
But you also see a set of resources there around just improving your life,

561
00:24:54.115 --> 00:24:55.418
having better relationships,

562
00:24:55.858 --> 00:24:57.060
becoming more intentional,

563
00:24:57.421 --> 00:24:58.663
becoming more productive,

564
00:24:58.743 --> 00:25:01.388
embarking on a personal journey of spiritual growth.

565
00:25:01.969 --> 00:25:03.592
It's really interesting the way...

566
00:25:04.048 --> 00:25:08.111
God has designed things that if we live life the right way,

567
00:25:08.951 --> 00:25:14.835
our life gets better and it will tend to prevent or minimize the problems that we face.

568
00:25:15.196 --> 00:25:16.156
And if you're a parent,

569
00:25:17.037 --> 00:25:17.998
go to the same website,

570
00:25:18.058 --> 00:25:19.238
lifeimprimedsteps.com,

571
00:25:19.258 --> 00:25:22.140
and just click on the tab for parenting.

572
00:25:22.601 --> 00:25:24.842
And you'll see parenting teenagers,

573
00:25:24.922 --> 00:25:25.843
parenting in a crisis,

574
00:25:26.083 --> 00:25:26.884
biblical parenting,

575
00:25:26.944 --> 00:25:27.704
parenting kids,

576
00:25:28.305 --> 00:25:28.925
stuff like that.

577
00:25:30.226 --> 00:25:30.586
Awesome.

578
00:25:31.787 --> 00:25:32.528
For people who...

579
00:25:33.308 --> 00:25:38.312
Just heard you say bad habits lumped in with addictions.

580
00:25:38.693 --> 00:25:41.315
They might be eye rolling right now saying,

581
00:25:41.355 --> 00:25:41.475
well,

582
00:25:41.476 --> 00:25:43.757
those are two different things.

583
00:25:44.578 --> 00:25:46.379
What do you have to say about that?

584
00:25:48.381 --> 00:25:48.521
Well,

585
00:25:48.541 --> 00:25:49.802
we at Steps,

586
00:25:49.862 --> 00:25:53.185
we created a term that we use to lump them all together,

587
00:25:53.685 --> 00:25:57.148
which uses it's an acronym around the word chains.

588
00:25:57.869 --> 00:26:01.452
So it certainly makes sense that we have things that keep us prisoner.

589
00:26:02.036 --> 00:26:03.036
and that hold us back.

590
00:26:03.517 --> 00:26:04.837
Those are the chains in our life.

591
00:26:05.237 --> 00:26:06.478
The chains is also an acronym.

592
00:26:06.778 --> 00:26:08.559
The CH stands for compulsive habits.

593
00:26:09.479 --> 00:26:10.700
The A stands for addictions.

594
00:26:11.240 --> 00:26:12.540
The I stands for idols.

595
00:26:13.381 --> 00:26:15.642
And the NS stands for negative self-talk.

596
00:26:16.442 --> 00:26:17.542
All these things are linked.

597
00:26:18.083 --> 00:26:18.623
In other words,

598
00:26:18.823 --> 00:26:21.204
most addictions are actually a thinking disease.

599
00:26:21.224 --> 00:26:22.164
They start in our brain.

600
00:26:22.324 --> 00:26:22.765
In other words,

601
00:26:22.785 --> 00:26:24.345
the conversations we have ourselves,

602
00:26:24.365 --> 00:26:30.148
the lies we tell ourselves that we're not good enough or that we're not enough of something.

603
00:26:31.084 --> 00:26:32.966
They lead us to wanting to feel better in some way.

604
00:26:33.586 --> 00:26:38.070
So we start finding a little something that makes us feel better for a while.

605
00:26:38.071 --> 00:26:38.730
It could be eating.

606
00:26:38.991 --> 00:26:39.831
It could be alcohol.

607
00:26:39.832 --> 00:26:42.113
It could be a drug.

608
00:26:42.193 --> 00:26:43.174
It could be a behavior.

609
00:26:43.194 --> 00:26:44.135
It could be lots of things.

610
00:26:44.976 --> 00:26:45.576
And guess what?

611
00:26:46.477 --> 00:26:48.358
It works for a little while,

612
00:26:49.419 --> 00:26:49.639
right?

613
00:26:49.880 --> 00:26:51.701
It gives us a little feeling that,

614
00:26:51.941 --> 00:26:52.322
okay,

615
00:26:52.462 --> 00:26:53.923
for a little while,

616
00:26:54.624 --> 00:26:55.224
I'll feel better.

617
00:26:56.165 --> 00:26:56.946
So we keep doing it,

618
00:26:57.466 --> 00:26:58.247
and we do it more,

619
00:26:58.787 --> 00:26:59.828
and it becomes an addiction.

620
00:27:00.520 --> 00:27:02.621
And it's a medical fact.

621
00:27:02.681 --> 00:27:03.001
I mean,

622
00:27:03.281 --> 00:27:07.223
neuroscience says that those thoughts that we repeat over and over again,

623
00:27:07.263 --> 00:27:09.224
those actions we repeat over and over again,

624
00:27:09.544 --> 00:27:13.305
we are literally rewiring our brain when we do that.

625
00:27:13.566 --> 00:27:14.566
Not figuratively,

626
00:27:14.866 --> 00:27:16.207
not metaphorically,

627
00:27:17.107 --> 00:27:19.828
but the neural connections in our brain are changing.

628
00:27:20.048 --> 00:27:22.089
The chemistry of our brain is changing.

629
00:27:22.189 --> 00:27:25.651
It will continually reinforce those things that we do over and over again.

630
00:27:26.431 --> 00:27:28.212
That concept is called neuroplasticity.

631
00:27:28.752 --> 00:27:46.286
neuroplasticity could be your worst enemy or it could be your best friend because the positive behaviors that you do over and over again will also be reinforced and so if if somebody out there is struggling with alcohol like i drank for a long time 30 years right started when i was

632
00:27:46.727 --> 00:27:57.736
15 because it was a way to fit in and be cool and be relaxed and it was just a way to deal with life for a long time and i thought i don't know if i can deal with life without alcohol right

633
00:27:58.737 --> 00:28:00.318
I won't be able to have fun anymore.

634
00:28:00.498 --> 00:28:01.078
What will I do?

635
00:28:01.258 --> 00:28:02.359
I won't be able to relax.

636
00:28:03.300 --> 00:28:03.880
If that's you,

637
00:28:05.381 --> 00:28:05.941
you can't.

638
00:28:06.982 --> 00:28:08.763
There is another side.

639
00:28:09.624 --> 00:28:11.425
You may have to go through it for a few months.

640
00:28:11.645 --> 00:28:12.146
That's okay.

641
00:28:12.586 --> 00:28:15.028
But you will reach a point where you go,

642
00:28:15.868 --> 00:28:15.988
well,

643
00:28:16.128 --> 00:28:16.809
I'll be darned.

644
00:28:17.449 --> 00:28:20.531
Life is so much better now.

645
00:28:21.552 --> 00:28:23.093
I mentioned one other example that

646
00:28:23.673 --> 00:28:25.134
I work with a lot of business people.

647
00:28:25.254 --> 00:28:27.356
And so we'll talk about the concept of.

648
00:28:27.700 --> 00:28:28.301
workaholism.

649
00:28:28.941 --> 00:28:29.061
So

650
00:28:29.421 --> 00:28:31.042
I worked for IBM for a long time.

651
00:28:31.142 --> 00:28:31.923
Back in those days,

652
00:28:32.463 --> 00:28:33.944
if you claimed you were a workaholic,

653
00:28:33.984 --> 00:28:35.005
that meant you were bragging.

654
00:28:35.465 --> 00:28:37.627
You were bragging about how hard you work.

655
00:28:38.027 --> 00:28:38.227
Yeah.

656
00:28:38.588 --> 00:28:42.670
What I've talked to presidents of companies who are

657
00:28:43.191 --> 00:28:53.238
63 years old and they've finally figured out that they've been a workaholic and that it has greatly hurt their marriage,

658
00:28:53.898 --> 00:28:56.240
greatly hurt their role as a mom or dad.

659
00:28:57.016 --> 00:29:01.238
They've missed out on life and now they're just now figuring it out.

660
00:29:02.058 --> 00:29:11.702
And they're as deeply regretful about being addicted to work as someone who's been addicted to alcohol.

661
00:29:11.862 --> 00:29:12.882
It can be anything.

662
00:29:13.103 --> 00:29:14.683
And so don't ask the question,

663
00:29:15.644 --> 00:29:16.744
am I addicted to something?

664
00:29:16.764 --> 00:29:18.025
Because you are.

665
00:29:18.425 --> 00:29:19.665
But just say,

666
00:29:20.386 --> 00:29:24.227
what is it that I do over and over again that has negative consequences?

667
00:29:25.087 --> 00:29:26.288
And the kind of a clue is

668
00:29:26.584 --> 00:29:28.304
The harder you think it is to stop it,

669
00:29:29.505 --> 00:29:32.166
the closer it is to a compulsive habit or an addiction.

670
00:29:32.426 --> 00:29:32.666
Right.

671
00:29:33.586 --> 00:29:33.786
Yeah.

672
00:29:36.287 --> 00:29:38.547
You mentioning workaholic,

673
00:29:38.647 --> 00:29:44.649
that made me think of just how easily people throw that term around now.

674
00:29:44.909 --> 00:29:46.990
It's almost like a buzzword,

675
00:29:48.010 --> 00:29:51.251
but it is an actual addiction as well.

676
00:29:52.651 --> 00:29:53.351
It's unhealthy.

677
00:29:53.431 --> 00:29:55.352
You mentioned several ways that it.

678
00:29:55.677 --> 00:29:57.288
hurts you and hurts the family.

679
00:29:58.292 --> 00:30:02.913
I think that's what we need to start realizing when we look at the things that we do.

680
00:30:03.834 --> 00:30:04.594
Like you mentioned,

681
00:30:04.714 --> 00:30:06.494
anything can become an addiction.

682
00:30:06.614 --> 00:30:08.635
Anything can be compulsory.

683
00:30:09.515 --> 00:30:10.975
We need to look at it and see,

684
00:30:11.075 --> 00:30:16.577
is it benefiting our lives or is it hurting our lives or those around us?

685
00:30:16.997 --> 00:30:22.719
And I think that'll give us a really good jumping off point of what should I do next?

686
00:30:23.299 --> 00:30:25.479
If it's doing positive things for you,

687
00:30:25.519 --> 00:30:26.340
then by all means,

688
00:30:26.420 --> 00:30:27.600
continue doing it.

689
00:30:28.504 --> 00:30:29.825
But if it's not,

690
00:30:30.105 --> 00:30:34.109
if you notice that it's hurting people or it's caused a situation,

691
00:30:35.170 --> 00:30:37.371
then you need to do something about that.

692
00:30:37.511 --> 00:30:41.315
I have a slightly funny example of this.

693
00:30:41.375 --> 00:30:43.296
A little side tangent.

694
00:30:43.877 --> 00:30:47.940
I loved going to Popeye's the last few years.

695
00:30:47.980 --> 00:30:51.763
They have a really delicious frozen strawberry lemonade.

696
00:30:51.963 --> 00:30:53.324
And I love strawberry lemonade.

697
00:30:53.505 --> 00:30:57.688
But it was expensive and it gave me a wicked headache.

698
00:30:57.868 --> 00:31:01.869
So I kind of stopped doing it because I knew there was so much sugar in it.

699
00:31:02.089 --> 00:31:02.409
I'm like,

700
00:31:02.410 --> 00:31:06.611
there's got to be a better way because I want to have this drink during the summer.

701
00:31:06.751 --> 00:31:07.271
It's a nice,

702
00:31:07.331 --> 00:31:07.531
fun,

703
00:31:07.651 --> 00:31:08.231
summery drink.

704
00:31:09.031 --> 00:31:16.693
So I found a healthier version of strawberry lemonade from a local place out in my area.

705
00:31:17.454 --> 00:31:18.914
And I started drinking that.

706
00:31:18.994 --> 00:31:23.075
I put it in my blender with some ice and crushed it up and it was delicious.

707
00:31:23.555 --> 00:31:24.096
I loved it.

708
00:31:24.097 --> 00:31:25.076
My family loved it.

709
00:31:25.396 --> 00:31:29.919
And then I started noticing that I wouldn't let my family love it because this stuff was expensive.

710
00:31:30.299 --> 00:31:36.362
So I'd make it when they weren't home because I wanted to have the most out of the bottle that I got.

711
00:31:36.983 --> 00:31:37.663
And then I'm like,

712
00:31:37.723 --> 00:31:37.843
oh,

713
00:31:37.883 --> 00:31:39.384
I should get regular lemonade.

714
00:31:39.385 --> 00:31:41.345
And then I could have that and the strawberry.

715
00:31:41.385 --> 00:31:42.946
And it just amped up.

716
00:31:43.526 --> 00:31:44.407
Then I realized,

717
00:31:44.467 --> 00:31:44.587
OK,

718
00:31:44.807 --> 00:31:46.448
this is a situation.

719
00:31:46.688 --> 00:31:53.132
I got to figure this out because I got depressed when they stopped selling it.

720
00:31:54.056 --> 00:31:55.297
after the season was over,

721
00:31:55.357 --> 00:31:56.778
after the summer season's over,

722
00:31:56.799 --> 00:31:58.520
they don't have it in the stores anymore.

723
00:31:58.560 --> 00:31:59.661
So it was really depressing.

724
00:32:00.862 --> 00:32:01.383
And I was like,

725
00:32:01.423 --> 00:32:01.563
yeah,

726
00:32:01.683 --> 00:32:03.564
I think there's an issue here.

727
00:32:04.005 --> 00:32:04.926
I don't know what it is,

728
00:32:05.066 --> 00:32:06.567
but there's an issue.

729
00:32:07.128 --> 00:32:09.169
But instead of actually fixing it,

730
00:32:09.249 --> 00:32:13.393
what I did is I took a break from it because I wanted to see if there really was an issue,

731
00:32:13.553 --> 00:32:14.294
which there was.

732
00:32:15.415 --> 00:32:16.536
Instead of just saying,

733
00:32:16.596 --> 00:32:16.816
okay,

734
00:32:16.856 --> 00:32:16.976
well,

735
00:32:17.056 --> 00:32:18.597
I'm not drinking this ever again,

736
00:32:18.617 --> 00:32:19.798
or I'll wait until summer,

737
00:32:20.039 --> 00:32:21.380
I decided to find

738
00:32:21.988 --> 00:32:26.910
a brand that was really close to it to tide me over until the next summer.

739
00:32:27.390 --> 00:32:28.171
So I did.

740
00:32:28.351 --> 00:32:34.613
And I had been drinking that daily for a while until there would be moments where I'm like,

741
00:32:34.653 --> 00:32:34.833
okay,

742
00:32:34.893 --> 00:32:35.013
well,

743
00:32:35.014 --> 00:32:35.774
I'm not going to buy it.

744
00:32:35.874 --> 00:32:37.114
And then I'd have a headache,

745
00:32:37.454 --> 00:32:40.556
a serious headache for like three days straight.

746
00:32:41.216 --> 00:32:41.536
I'm like,

747
00:32:41.616 --> 00:32:41.856
okay,

748
00:32:41.916 --> 00:32:44.517
this has to be because I'm not drinking this every day.

749
00:32:44.597 --> 00:32:45.478
This is not good.

750
00:32:46.738 --> 00:32:51.140
So I wanted to stop drinking it every day and just keep it to a summer thing.

751
00:32:53.016 --> 00:32:57.737
I didn't do that because my willpower for it was sucky.

752
00:32:58.158 --> 00:32:58.998
And it still is.

753
00:32:59.458 --> 00:33:00.158
To this day,

754
00:33:00.338 --> 00:33:01.399
I'm still working on it.

755
00:33:02.139 --> 00:33:03.599
But I have decided that,

756
00:33:03.659 --> 00:33:03.859
yeah,

757
00:33:03.979 --> 00:33:05.520
this is starting to become a problem.

758
00:33:05.560 --> 00:33:13.882
And the more that I've been having these conversations talking about addictions and that they're not just the main things we think they are,

759
00:33:13.902 --> 00:33:16.163
the main players of this act,

760
00:33:16.783 --> 00:33:18.504
they are a lot of different things.

761
00:33:18.604 --> 00:33:19.644
I'm starting to realize that,

762
00:33:19.664 --> 00:33:19.964
I think.

763
00:33:20.124 --> 00:33:21.485
I have an addiction to this.

764
00:33:21.525 --> 00:33:23.045
And it may seem silly to people.

765
00:33:24.106 --> 00:33:25.426
Maybe you can relate to this,

766
00:33:25.606 --> 00:33:29.688
but addictions can be formed in any way possible.

767
00:33:30.168 --> 00:33:32.749
I've decided I have to do something about this.

768
00:33:32.909 --> 00:33:35.190
I'm not going to continue down the spiral.

769
00:33:35.771 --> 00:33:38.552
And you talking to you has confirmed it that,

770
00:33:38.612 --> 00:33:38.812
yeah,

771
00:33:38.892 --> 00:33:40.252
this is exactly what this is.

772
00:33:40.292 --> 00:33:42.553
This is a compulsory habit.

773
00:33:43.034 --> 00:33:46.535
It's not really helping me because it's extra sugar I don't need,

774
00:33:47.035 --> 00:33:48.836
if it's given me three days headache.

775
00:33:48.976 --> 00:33:50.757
after not having it for one day,

776
00:33:51.257 --> 00:33:52.578
then clearly it's a problem.

777
00:33:53.338 --> 00:33:58.041
So there's a personal example of how you're absolutely right,

778
00:33:58.141 --> 00:33:58.501
Steve.

779
00:34:00.482 --> 00:34:01.843
Sorry for the tangent.

780
00:34:03.024 --> 00:34:03.164
Well,

781
00:34:03.184 --> 00:34:03.824
I think

782
00:34:05.205 --> 00:34:07.666
I don't want to be a buzzkill to everybody out there,

783
00:34:07.707 --> 00:34:07.887
right?

784
00:34:07.927 --> 00:34:11.649
Because notice how I said the definition,

785
00:34:11.689 --> 00:34:11.889
right?

786
00:34:12.109 --> 00:34:16.451
It's a compulsive habit you do over and over again that has negative consequences and you find it hard to stop.

787
00:34:18.864 --> 00:34:19.925
Whether you realize it or not,

788
00:34:20.445 --> 00:34:21.767
when you were just going through that story,

789
00:34:21.827 --> 00:34:26.591
you were going through a process and recovery that is called counting the cost,

790
00:34:27.371 --> 00:34:30.033
which is really honestly assessing,

791
00:34:31.054 --> 00:34:33.556
are there negative consequences of what I'm doing?

792
00:34:34.097 --> 00:34:34.217
Yeah.

793
00:34:34.357 --> 00:34:34.637
And so,

794
00:34:35.278 --> 00:34:35.518
you know,

795
00:34:35.978 --> 00:34:46.407
serious headaches or it is taking money that your family needs for something else or it's become so compulsive that when I don't have it,

796
00:34:46.607 --> 00:34:47.308
it creates,

797
00:34:47.588 --> 00:34:47.888
you know.

798
00:34:48.540 --> 00:34:49.282
that's a cost.

799
00:34:49.482 --> 00:34:51.485
So you realize that there is a cost to it.

800
00:34:52.526 --> 00:34:52.767
You know,

801
00:34:52.768 --> 00:34:53.828
when I went through recovery,

802
00:34:54.329 --> 00:34:55.891
I thought I was there just talking about alcohol.

803
00:34:56.252 --> 00:34:56.632
All right.

804
00:34:56.652 --> 00:34:58.875
But I found out that I'm also addicted to.

805
00:34:59.598 --> 00:35:02.779
perfectionism and control and performance.

806
00:35:04.099 --> 00:35:05.460
I went to an engineering school.

807
00:35:05.480 --> 00:35:08.160
I went to Georgia Tech and I worked for a large business,

808
00:35:08.400 --> 00:35:08.781
IBM.

809
00:35:09.641 --> 00:35:10.561
And in those places,

810
00:35:10.661 --> 00:35:13.342
control and perfectionism and performance are rewarded.

811
00:35:13.582 --> 00:35:16.323
But if you count the cost of perfectionism,

812
00:35:16.783 --> 00:35:18.643
which says I'm wired as perfectionism,

813
00:35:18.683 --> 00:35:23.485
that means I will never meet my own standards of behavior,

814
00:35:23.845 --> 00:35:26.425
which means I have this imposter syndrome going on.

815
00:35:26.426 --> 00:35:28.266
That's one of the ways I lie to myself,

816
00:35:28.346 --> 00:35:28.526
right?

817
00:35:28.826 --> 00:35:32.007
And a lot of people who succeed in business are like that.

818
00:35:32.647 --> 00:35:35.988
Or you take control and you start counting the cost of that.

819
00:35:36.588 --> 00:35:37.388
How does your,

820
00:35:38.729 --> 00:35:39.649
I'm speaking to myself,

821
00:35:39.709 --> 00:35:40.089
right?

822
00:35:40.569 --> 00:35:43.570
We all think that it's our job to control other people,

823
00:35:43.690 --> 00:35:45.851
to control circumstances and control outcomes.

824
00:35:46.511 --> 00:35:48.511
And the fact of the matter is we don't control any of those.

825
00:35:48.892 --> 00:35:54.613
The only things we can control are those attitudes we choose to embrace and the choices that we make.

826
00:35:55.053 --> 00:35:56.454
We don't control other people.

827
00:35:57.054 --> 00:35:57.754
We're not control.

828
00:35:58.310 --> 00:35:58.790
outcomes.

829
00:35:58.850 --> 00:36:00.051
We may influence them.

830
00:36:00.831 --> 00:36:03.073
But if we are so infatuated with control,

831
00:36:03.373 --> 00:36:10.977
it will lead us toward frustration and unhappiness and discontent and anger,

832
00:36:11.257 --> 00:36:12.918
and it'll affect our relationships.

833
00:36:13.058 --> 00:36:13.178
So,

834
00:36:13.618 --> 00:36:13.858
you know,

835
00:36:14.859 --> 00:36:16.400
the concept of control seems like,

836
00:36:16.460 --> 00:36:16.600
oh,

837
00:36:16.640 --> 00:36:17.440
that's no big deal.

838
00:36:17.981 --> 00:36:25.044
But if you really go through and count the cost of what it's doing to you personally and perhaps your relationships with other people and with God,

839
00:36:25.525 --> 00:36:25.725
you know,

840
00:36:25.726 --> 00:36:27.686
very often the cost is higher than we want.

841
00:36:28.286 --> 00:36:31.147
But there are people who do things repeatedly over and over again,

842
00:36:32.528 --> 00:36:34.929
and it doesn't really hurt anything.

843
00:36:35.349 --> 00:36:35.589
You know,

844
00:36:36.329 --> 00:36:36.570
I mean,

845
00:36:36.890 --> 00:36:38.470
there's grace in all this as well.

846
00:36:38.690 --> 00:36:38.891
Right.

847
00:36:39.331 --> 00:36:41.952
I don't want everybody to go out and say,

848
00:36:42.052 --> 00:36:42.172
oh,

849
00:36:42.173 --> 00:36:44.793
I'm doing everything that I want.

850
00:36:44.893 --> 00:36:46.914
Addicted to this and this.

851
00:36:47.294 --> 00:36:47.574
Yeah.

852
00:36:48.054 --> 00:36:49.655
That's not the point.

853
00:36:49.855 --> 00:36:52.216
The point is you're on a journey to live life better.

854
00:36:52.217 --> 00:36:52.516
Yeah.

855
00:36:52.937 --> 00:36:53.237
And so,

856
00:36:53.238 --> 00:36:53.997
you know,

857
00:36:54.057 --> 00:36:56.238
if you have something which is creating problems in your life.

858
00:36:57.166 --> 00:37:03.329
You will be better off for yourself and your relationship with God and people around you if you move toward doing something about it.

859
00:37:03.389 --> 00:37:07.210
But you don't want to be compulsive about dealing with compulsive habits.

860
00:37:07.910 --> 00:37:09.091
This is actually a true story.

861
00:37:09.991 --> 00:37:11.432
As my wife was going through recovery,

862
00:37:13.693 --> 00:37:16.914
men and women have a little bit of difference in how they go through recovery.

863
00:37:17.074 --> 00:37:18.095
When men relapse,

864
00:37:18.175 --> 00:37:23.097
they have a higher statistical tendency to relapse back to the same behavior that got them in trouble in the first place.

865
00:37:23.717 --> 00:37:26.198
Women very often will do something which is called transference.

866
00:37:26.758 --> 00:37:30.941
which they may become addicted to something else to replace what they left behind.

867
00:37:31.682 --> 00:37:34.163
So she stopped drinking.

868
00:37:34.824 --> 00:37:37.526
And then one of the things she became addicted to,

869
00:37:37.806 --> 00:37:38.806
and she would tell you this.

870
00:37:38.887 --> 00:37:40.087
So I'm not telling a story.

871
00:37:40.127 --> 00:37:40.968
She would tell you this herself.

872
00:37:41.348 --> 00:37:42.889
She got addicted to recovery.

873
00:37:43.530 --> 00:37:43.650
Now,

874
00:37:43.651 --> 00:37:44.290
that sounds funny,

875
00:37:44.470 --> 00:37:44.690
right?

876
00:37:45.211 --> 00:37:50.094
But she was going to eight AA meetings a week and she got on the board of her AA.

877
00:37:50.755 --> 00:37:55.278
And her sense of self and identity was she was going to be the best.

878
00:37:55.358 --> 00:37:55.518
Well...

879
00:37:55.918 --> 00:37:57.879
lady at recovery in the whole year.

880
00:37:58.139 --> 00:37:59.899
So it became important to her.

881
00:38:00.399 --> 00:38:03.300
It became that defined her identity.

882
00:38:03.740 --> 00:38:03.860
A,

883
00:38:03.960 --> 00:38:05.041
have some grace on yourself,

884
00:38:05.161 --> 00:38:06.321
but pick the worst problem,

885
00:38:06.441 --> 00:38:08.402
the one that's having the best consequences.

886
00:38:08.422 --> 00:38:10.162
You don't have to turn your life around today,

887
00:38:10.322 --> 00:38:11.843
but take steps in the right direction.

888
00:38:12.503 --> 00:38:14.643
Thank you for reminding us of that,

889
00:38:14.743 --> 00:38:16.104
for reminding me of that.

890
00:38:18.064 --> 00:38:19.985
I feel before I could give myself grace,

891
00:38:20.025 --> 00:38:23.826
I have to actually try to abstain from my...

892
00:38:24.286 --> 00:38:26.367
my drink addiction that I have,

893
00:38:27.007 --> 00:38:27.247
but

894
00:38:27.867 --> 00:38:29.728
I have proven that I can do it.

895
00:38:30.268 --> 00:38:31.169
It's just not fun.

896
00:38:31.529 --> 00:38:33.830
You get that craving,

897
00:38:33.831 --> 00:38:34.650
you know,

898
00:38:34.750 --> 00:38:36.291
whatever it is that you're addicted to,

899
00:38:36.351 --> 00:38:39.892
you get that craving for it again and you can't stop thinking about it.

900
00:38:39.952 --> 00:38:40.853
It's irritating.

901
00:38:41.513 --> 00:38:46.995
And that's how I knew that I was starting to have a problem is because I'd start thinking about it as soon as I woke up in the morning and be like,

902
00:38:47.095 --> 00:38:47.235
Ooh,

903
00:38:47.295 --> 00:38:48.476
I could have that later today.

904
00:38:48.516 --> 00:38:49.736
I have lemonade.

905
00:38:49.756 --> 00:38:50.076
I'm like,

906
00:38:50.116 --> 00:38:51.217
what is wrong with me.

907
00:38:51.257 --> 00:38:52.297
This is ridiculous.

908
00:38:52.978 --> 00:38:53.098
No.

909
00:38:54.238 --> 00:38:54.358
no,

910
00:38:54.638 --> 00:38:56.060
we're just not going to do this.

911
00:38:56.700 --> 00:38:56.820
So,

912
00:38:57.441 --> 00:38:59.763
and it is true what you said about women.

913
00:38:59.923 --> 00:39:01.624
They might get rid of one addiction,

914
00:39:01.684 --> 00:39:04.006
but they find themselves in another one.

915
00:39:04.527 --> 00:39:06.228
That's happened to me several times.

916
00:39:06.248 --> 00:39:15.836
This is just another one that I have to work through and be more careful next time to be aware when it's happening with something else.

917
00:39:16.437 --> 00:39:19.760
And I think that's the bottom line is we just need to be more aware,

918
00:39:20.520 --> 00:39:22.322
self-aware of things.

919
00:39:22.990 --> 00:39:25.231
and not just go into things blindly.

920
00:39:26.331 --> 00:39:30.572
It's like what you mentioned about certain jobs.

921
00:39:31.032 --> 00:39:33.253
They reward you for certain behaviors.

922
00:39:35.173 --> 00:39:35.854
That is,

923
00:39:37.114 --> 00:39:37.434
wow.

924
00:39:37.714 --> 00:39:40.355
I don't know why that was such an aha moment for me,

925
00:39:40.615 --> 00:39:41.495
but it's true.

926
00:39:41.975 --> 00:39:42.996
You get rewarded,

927
00:39:43.116 --> 00:39:46.437
especially in business situations like where you've come out from,

928
00:39:46.977 --> 00:39:50.578
for being high performance and all those things and being on it.

929
00:39:50.718 --> 00:39:50.858
And

930
00:39:51.410 --> 00:39:56.805
That's one of the reasons why people in that field get addicted to things that will keep them up,

931
00:39:56.925 --> 00:39:57.748
keep them awake,

932
00:39:57.788 --> 00:39:59.934
keep them on their game all the time.

933
00:40:01.085 --> 00:40:10.052
If someone is in that situation and they see that it's creating a situation for them and it's not healthy for them or their family,

934
00:40:11.353 --> 00:40:13.615
what do you usually counsel them to do?

935
00:40:14.956 --> 00:40:18.099
I would say as a spouse to somebody who's going through that,

936
00:40:18.139 --> 00:40:18.519
I'd be like,

937
00:40:18.559 --> 00:40:20.541
why don't you quit your job and find another one?

938
00:40:21.241 --> 00:40:24.484
But maybe that's not always feasible or something.

939
00:40:24.564 --> 00:40:27.006
So how would you handle that situation?

940
00:40:27.446 --> 00:40:27.587
Well,

941
00:40:28.547 --> 00:40:29.668
as I sort of talked about before,

942
00:40:29.669 --> 00:40:30.449
the first step is

943
00:40:30.629 --> 00:40:33.011
it's to recognize that it is a problem.

944
00:40:33.751 --> 00:40:34.011
You know,

945
00:40:35.072 --> 00:40:38.474
and it's the kind of things we're talking about now are very,

946
00:40:38.935 --> 00:40:40.035
very widespread.

947
00:40:40.756 --> 00:40:43.718
And because people don't notice it as a problem.

948
00:40:44.438 --> 00:40:46.400
So people who tend to be high functioning,

949
00:40:46.660 --> 00:40:50.703
whether they're in business or working in nonprofit or in churches,

950
00:40:50.743 --> 00:40:51.003
whatever,

951
00:40:51.004 --> 00:40:51.683
they're high functioning.

952
00:40:52.064 --> 00:40:52.844
Statistically,

953
00:40:53.465 --> 00:40:59.889
there are a lot of characteristics of high functioning individuals that align eerily with addiction.

954
00:41:00.109 --> 00:41:01.390
with the characteristics of addiction.

955
00:41:01.750 --> 00:41:03.510
A tendency toward a control,

956
00:41:03.530 --> 00:41:05.611
a tendency to want to influence outcomes.

957
00:41:05.731 --> 00:41:08.533
All these things that are just part of us.

958
00:41:09.453 --> 00:41:15.395
So the first part I think is just understanding that it can be a real thing and then counting the cost of it.

959
00:41:16.236 --> 00:41:23.339
God has designed us with attributes and very often a certain attribute can be a strength,

960
00:41:24.459 --> 00:41:26.640
but if we allow it to get out of control,

961
00:41:27.100 --> 00:41:28.101
it can become a weakness.

962
00:41:29.229 --> 00:41:31.031
I mentioned I'm like a perfectionist.

963
00:41:31.071 --> 00:41:33.473
I'm one of those people you would describe as an overthinker.

964
00:41:33.553 --> 00:41:34.934
I have a very active mind.

965
00:41:34.935 --> 00:41:36.175
I'm overthinking all the time.

966
00:41:36.215 --> 00:41:36.875
I do that too.

967
00:41:37.356 --> 00:41:37.596
You know,

968
00:41:37.936 --> 00:41:39.197
and that can create problems,

969
00:41:39.318 --> 00:41:39.458
right?

970
00:41:39.818 --> 00:41:41.820
You're creating problems where they don't exist.

971
00:41:41.940 --> 00:41:42.901
You're a perfectionist.

972
00:41:43.821 --> 00:41:45.543
But yet that's how

973
00:41:46.223 --> 00:41:47.104
God designed me.

974
00:41:47.605 --> 00:41:50.227
So being an overthinker also has advantages to it.

975
00:41:50.467 --> 00:41:52.489
It means you're probably good at planning.

976
00:41:52.589 --> 00:41:54.330
You're good at figuring,

977
00:41:55.011 --> 00:41:56.832
understanding complexity and things like that,

978
00:41:56.952 --> 00:41:57.133
right?

979
00:41:57.134 --> 00:41:57.253
Yes.

980
00:41:58.029 --> 00:41:58.269
You know,

981
00:41:58.270 --> 00:41:59.450
we all have a certain bent.

982
00:42:00.291 --> 00:42:01.912
And what we're just trying to do is to say,

983
00:42:02.132 --> 00:42:07.517
not allow things to become so compulsive that they're creating negative consequences in our life.

984
00:42:07.957 --> 00:42:08.197
You know,

985
00:42:08.218 --> 00:42:10.259
but to be who we're supposed to be,

986
00:42:10.339 --> 00:42:16.344
but just live with some degree of moderation and take positive steps rather than allow things to get out of control.

987
00:42:17.625 --> 00:42:19.047
That's another way that

988
00:42:19.887 --> 00:42:24.971
Satan likes to mess with something beautiful that God made.

989
00:42:25.772 --> 00:42:26.413
Yeah.

990
00:42:26.414 --> 00:42:26.833
We've got.

991
00:42:26.873 --> 00:42:27.554
the rainbow,

992
00:42:28.054 --> 00:42:29.295
what he's done with that.

993
00:42:29.655 --> 00:42:29.895
You know,

994
00:42:29.956 --> 00:42:30.976
he's counterfeit.

995
00:42:31.036 --> 00:42:32.718
He can't create things.

996
00:42:32.778 --> 00:42:36.081
He just fudges with the stuff that's already there.

997
00:42:37.202 --> 00:42:37.582
And this,

998
00:42:37.822 --> 00:42:38.162
I think,

999
00:42:38.202 --> 00:42:41.425
is another serious way that he does that.

1000
00:42:41.785 --> 00:42:43.747
You mentioned we all have a bent,

1001
00:42:43.827 --> 00:42:46.729
a way that God created us.

1002
00:42:47.110 --> 00:42:51.653
He has something planned for everything that we have,

1003
00:42:52.274 --> 00:42:53.675
the tools and everything,

1004
00:42:53.795 --> 00:42:55.757
our hands and feet being used.

1005
00:42:56.117 --> 00:42:58.958
in his kingdom according to our strengths.

1006
00:42:59.498 --> 00:43:00.698
And we have weaknesses,

1007
00:43:00.778 --> 00:43:03.259
but that's where other people's strengths come in.

1008
00:43:04.639 --> 00:43:09.081
But when we start getting ahead of God and his plans,

1009
00:43:09.161 --> 00:43:13.162
and we start realizing that we have these strengths,

1010
00:43:13.722 --> 00:43:20.704
and we see how people give us praise or whatever for those strengths,

1011
00:43:20.844 --> 00:43:25.165
it starts feeding something else that becomes sinister and wrong.

1012
00:43:25.893 --> 00:43:32.419
And that's where I think we start shifting from allowing God to use us the way he planned to,

1013
00:43:33.260 --> 00:43:33.780
I got this,

1014
00:43:33.860 --> 00:43:34.200
God,

1015
00:43:34.280 --> 00:43:35.041
let me do this.

1016
00:43:35.161 --> 00:43:36.002
I can do this.

1017
00:43:36.082 --> 00:43:37.463
You created me with this.

1018
00:43:37.583 --> 00:43:38.504
Let me do it.

1019
00:43:38.684 --> 00:43:39.024
You know,

1020
00:43:39.145 --> 00:43:41.246
and we just like a child who's like,

1021
00:43:41.326 --> 00:43:42.728
I can tie my own shoes.

1022
00:43:43.849 --> 00:43:45.310
That's just how we are.

1023
00:43:45.790 --> 00:43:47.252
And Satan will use that.

1024
00:43:47.352 --> 00:43:49.614
He'll put people in our way who are going to be like,

1025
00:43:49.974 --> 00:43:51.315
you are such a good planner.

1026
00:43:51.435 --> 00:43:53.237
You should make a business out of this.

1027
00:43:53.785 --> 00:43:57.407
And whatever else it is that you are really good at,

1028
00:43:57.467 --> 00:44:05.910
he's going to bring people who are going to feed that ego that you have and test you to see if you're one of those who's going to fall off the

1029
00:44:06.250 --> 00:44:09.191
Jesus wagon or you get to stay holding on.

1030
00:44:10.212 --> 00:44:19.476
And it is important for us to realize that these are gifts from God and to have that humble nature all the time of,

1031
00:44:20.016 --> 00:44:20.256
yes,

1032
00:44:20.296 --> 00:44:21.536
I may be good at this,

1033
00:44:21.816 --> 00:44:22.977
but it's because God.

1034
00:44:23.357 --> 00:44:24.397
made me good at this.

1035
00:44:24.457 --> 00:44:29.119
It's nothing I did to deserve it or something I did.

1036
00:44:29.560 --> 00:44:31.060
Maybe you've practiced it.

1037
00:44:31.100 --> 00:44:34.301
You've only harnessed what he's already given you the ability to do.

1038
00:44:34.882 --> 00:44:37.083
So I think if we keep that humble nature,

1039
00:44:37.523 --> 00:44:43.605
that'll also help us stay out of the lane of starting to make it into a bad habit,

1040
00:44:44.045 --> 00:44:46.186
something that we have to be concerned with.

1041
00:44:46.546 --> 00:44:46.666
Yeah.

1042
00:44:47.087 --> 00:44:48.387
When I think about parenting,

1043
00:44:48.407 --> 00:44:49.187
I'm talking to parents,

1044
00:44:49.588 --> 00:44:50.448
very often I'm thinking,

1045
00:44:51.268 --> 00:44:51.428
Well,

1046
00:44:51.429 --> 00:44:52.769
we can learn a lot from how God

1047
00:44:53.038 --> 00:44:53.443
parents

1048
00:44:54.049 --> 00:44:55.449
us if we pay attention.

1049
00:44:55.970 --> 00:44:57.330
God designed us with attributes.

1050
00:44:57.590 --> 00:45:05.452
He's not trying to make us cookie cutter and he's not trying to force us to pharisaically or compulsively get up and run around all day following his rules.

1051
00:45:05.732 --> 00:45:09.313
He wants us to live a life of freedom and joy and peace.

1052
00:45:10.574 --> 00:45:12.914
And he designed us a certain way and that's okay.

1053
00:45:13.355 --> 00:45:21.477
But one thing I'll talk to parents about as well is if you have a son or daughter who's in their preteens or in the early teens and they're struggling with something.

1054
00:45:21.677 --> 00:45:22.077
Maybe they're

1055
00:45:22.297 --> 00:45:23.858
doing substances or things like that.

1056
00:45:24.638 --> 00:45:29.080
There's a tendency to just want to squash that behavior.

1057
00:45:29.640 --> 00:45:30.521
But very often,

1058
00:45:30.941 --> 00:45:34.142
if you slow down and notice what's really going on with your son or daughter,

1059
00:45:35.683 --> 00:45:44.647
you may find out in the long run that some of those attributes which may be leading them to make bad decisions now are really strengths in the long run.

1060
00:45:45.867 --> 00:45:47.708
My son was a strong extrovert.

1061
00:45:47.908 --> 00:45:49.229
He got along well with people.

1062
00:45:49.809 --> 00:45:49.949
Now,

1063
00:45:50.453 --> 00:45:54.877
That meant he also tended to want to appear a certain way to other people.

1064
00:45:54.897 --> 00:45:56.378
So it had negative consequences.

1065
00:45:56.938 --> 00:45:58.660
But in a positive way,

1066
00:45:58.800 --> 00:46:00.361
it means he's great at sales.

1067
00:46:00.501 --> 00:46:01.822
He's great at relationships.

1068
00:46:03.203 --> 00:46:04.845
My son is strong minded.

1069
00:46:05.145 --> 00:46:07.907
So he and I would clash when he was doing something dangerous.

1070
00:46:08.668 --> 00:46:13.992
But it also now means he's decisive and he can make good decisions the right way.

1071
00:46:14.052 --> 00:46:15.033
So if you're a parent,

1072
00:46:15.753 --> 00:46:18.676
don't try to squash who your son or daughter is,

1073
00:46:19.276 --> 00:46:20.157
but just try to help.

1074
00:46:20.277 --> 00:46:22.518
them direct their attributes in a positive way.

1075
00:46:23.078 --> 00:46:26.520
And the other thing I'll say is something which is very true as well is because

1076
00:46:27.540 --> 00:46:28.640
Satan is doing the opposite.

1077
00:46:29.901 --> 00:46:30.061
Right.

1078
00:46:30.062 --> 00:46:30.901
Somebody told me something.

1079
00:46:31.121 --> 00:46:32.502
This is a little sports metaphor.

1080
00:46:32.562 --> 00:46:32.682
So

1081
00:46:33.542 --> 00:46:36.804
I think most people will get it even if they're not too sportsy.

1082
00:46:36.884 --> 00:46:38.885
But in the week before a football game,

1083
00:46:39.305 --> 00:46:45.327
the coaches on each for each team are doing their best to plan how they're going to win and beat the other team next week.

1084
00:46:45.727 --> 00:46:49.849
So if there is a coach who has the defensive line for his team.

1085
00:46:50.761 --> 00:46:58.287
His team will sit there all during that week and watch tape or watch video of the opposing team's offensive linemen.

1086
00:46:58.428 --> 00:47:04.272
And they will watch in incredible detail how each of those people does what they do so they can pick up their tendencies,

1087
00:47:04.352 --> 00:47:06.794
their weaknesses and exploit them.

1088
00:47:08.136 --> 00:47:09.196
Somebody told me one time,

1089
00:47:09.597 --> 00:47:11.418
that's exactly what Satan does with us.

1090
00:47:12.159 --> 00:47:19.205
He studies our behavior and he he notices our weaknesses and he sees the lies we tell ourselves.

1091
00:47:19.773 --> 00:47:20.654
If we tell ourselves,

1092
00:47:21.194 --> 00:47:23.095
I'm not good enough or I'll never fit in,

1093
00:47:23.496 --> 00:47:26.538
that's exactly where Satan will whisper into your life.

1094
00:47:26.998 --> 00:47:28.059
He'll reinforce that.

1095
00:47:28.359 --> 00:47:28.819
He'll just say,

1096
00:47:28.879 --> 00:47:29.179
you're right.

1097
00:47:29.760 --> 00:47:30.560
You're not good enough.

1098
00:47:31.661 --> 00:47:35.924
That means God probably doesn't like you and you're just never going to be enough.

1099
00:47:36.484 --> 00:47:38.145
So you might as well do something to feel better.

1100
00:47:38.466 --> 00:47:41.928
Satan will speak right into those chinks in our armor.

1101
00:47:42.588 --> 00:47:45.010
We do have things working against us and Satan is one,

1102
00:47:46.911 --> 00:47:47.952
but God's in more control.

1103
00:47:48.212 --> 00:47:49.293
right if when we start

1104
00:47:49.393 --> 00:47:50.774
taking steps in the right direction.

1105
00:47:50.934 --> 00:47:53.276
God is just the wind beneath our wings,

1106
00:47:53.316 --> 00:47:53.516
right?

1107
00:47:53.776 --> 00:47:58.239
God could come in and zap all of us out of our addictions if he wanted to,

1108
00:47:58.240 --> 00:47:58.919
right?

1109
00:47:58.939 --> 00:47:59.600
And on occasion,

1110
00:47:59.780 --> 00:48:00.841
I know people who does.

1111
00:48:00.881 --> 00:48:01.621
It just seems like,

1112
00:48:02.001 --> 00:48:02.262
boom,

1113
00:48:02.602 --> 00:48:04.183
they are not addicted anymore.

1114
00:48:05.264 --> 00:48:05.504
Actually,

1115
00:48:05.505 --> 00:48:06.825
the exception is not the rule.

1116
00:48:07.525 --> 00:48:07.925
Generally,

1117
00:48:09.106 --> 00:48:11.108
God seems to go about things,

1118
00:48:11.188 --> 00:48:16.511
whereas he will encourage and lead us and pull us in a positive direction.

1119
00:48:17.312 --> 00:48:19.073
And then he would like us to take steps with him.

1120
00:48:19.413 --> 00:48:20.173
along that journey.

1121
00:48:21.474 --> 00:48:24.996
And he will be there to walk with us and guide us.

1122
00:48:25.276 --> 00:48:26.097
And then all of a sudden,

1123
00:48:26.157 --> 00:48:28.538
we look months later or a year later,

1124
00:48:28.539 --> 00:48:29.478
we look back and we see,

1125
00:48:29.739 --> 00:48:30.119
wow,

1126
00:48:30.419 --> 00:48:31.760
look how far we've come.

1127
00:48:32.840 --> 00:48:34.041
And when we think about it,

1128
00:48:34.042 --> 00:48:35.222
we didn't get there on our own,

1129
00:48:36.042 --> 00:48:39.124
but it's us taking steps with God along the way,

1130
00:48:39.384 --> 00:48:39.644
you know?

1131
00:48:39.724 --> 00:48:42.125
Yeah.

1132
00:48:42.145 --> 00:48:42.666
I love it.

1133
00:48:44.006 --> 00:48:45.967
I really enjoyed that metaphor.

1134
00:48:45.987 --> 00:48:48.569
I'm not really big into sports,

1135
00:48:48.809 --> 00:48:49.089
but...

1136
00:48:49.469 --> 00:48:51.971
I do watch football now and then with my husband.

1137
00:48:52.691 --> 00:49:00.777
And that is an absolutely accurate visual of what Satan does for us.

1138
00:49:00.837 --> 00:49:03.519
He just sits there with his team of demons,

1139
00:49:04.140 --> 00:49:07.542
watching play by play from everything we've done before,

1140
00:49:07.642 --> 00:49:10.804
taking notes so that he knows what to do.

1141
00:49:11.725 --> 00:49:15.968
And we got to throw out some plays.

1142
00:49:17.529 --> 00:49:19.770
Put in new ones that he wasn't expecting.

1143
00:49:20.430 --> 00:49:25.711
Switch it up from now on and not let him know what we're doing.

1144
00:49:26.912 --> 00:49:27.372
That's,

1145
00:49:28.332 --> 00:49:28.452
yeah,

1146
00:49:28.792 --> 00:49:31.793
this whole conversation has been very encouraging.

1147
00:49:32.573 --> 00:49:36.034
And I hope that nobody is feeling discouraged right now.

1148
00:49:36.434 --> 00:49:37.635
You absolutely should not.

1149
00:49:37.655 --> 00:49:43.576
You should be feeling empowered right now to look at your life through an honest lens.

1150
00:49:44.717 --> 00:49:45.597
What are you doing?

1151
00:49:46.049 --> 00:49:47.692
that you might need to stop.

1152
00:49:47.952 --> 00:49:50.697
Maybe you've known it for a while that you've needed to stop.

1153
00:49:51.558 --> 00:49:53.281
Maybe you're just realizing it.

1154
00:49:54.516 --> 00:49:56.838
Maybe you're just accepting it that you just,

1155
00:49:57.338 --> 00:49:57.918
you knew,

1156
00:49:58.579 --> 00:50:00.600
but this was the confirmation you needed.

1157
00:50:01.221 --> 00:50:03.222
God is speaking to you.

1158
00:50:03.402 --> 00:50:06.485
He's speaking through Steve and through my words.

1159
00:50:07.125 --> 00:50:08.026
Listen to them.

1160
00:50:08.746 --> 00:50:09.867
He wants to help you.

1161
00:50:09.907 --> 00:50:11.328
He wants to see you succeed.

1162
00:50:11.329 --> 00:50:14.651
He wants you to be who he created you to be.

1163
00:50:15.731 --> 00:50:16.652
So just let him,

1164
00:50:17.633 --> 00:50:18.994
let him do what he's got to do.

1165
00:50:19.294 --> 00:50:20.575
And if you need help,

1166
00:50:21.135 --> 00:50:22.076
please reach out.

1167
00:50:22.176 --> 00:50:29.462
to honestchristianconversations.com slash contact and get in touch with me and I will help you in whatever ways I can.

1168
00:50:29.542 --> 00:50:31.004
I will pray alongside you.

1169
00:50:32.044 --> 00:50:32.385
And

1170
00:50:33.145 --> 00:50:40.191
Steve, please share again where everyone can get in touch with you if they need your steps.

1171
00:50:40.852 --> 00:50:41.032
Yeah,

1172
00:50:41.533 --> 00:50:42.934
the best way is just go to our website,

1173
00:50:42.974 --> 00:50:44.815
which is lifeimprovementsteps.com,

1174
00:50:45.136 --> 00:50:46.337
lifeimprovementsteps.com.

1175
00:50:46.997 --> 00:50:47.197
Again,

1176
00:50:47.278 --> 00:50:49.339
click on individuals or click on parents.

1177
00:50:50.284 --> 00:50:51.225
If you're an organization,

1178
00:50:51.345 --> 00:50:53.727
you're a church or a company or a nonprofit,

1179
00:50:53.987 --> 00:50:56.389
and you would like to use some of the resources to help your people,

1180
00:50:56.449 --> 00:50:59.752
we'd love to share them with you and collaborate in that way.

1181
00:51:00.653 --> 00:51:01.774
We're all addicted to something,

1182
00:51:01.814 --> 00:51:03.475
but there are things that we can do about it.

1183
00:51:03.895 --> 00:51:04.456
So just know,

1184
00:51:04.676 --> 00:51:05.577
if you're a human being,

1185
00:51:06.097 --> 00:51:07.338
it is okay not to be okay,

1186
00:51:07.418 --> 00:51:08.799
but you don't have to stay that way.

1187
00:51:08.900 --> 00:51:13.183
And you also don't have to turn your life around overnight.

1188
00:51:14.024 --> 00:51:16.346
Just start taking steps in the right direction.

1189
00:51:16.746 --> 00:51:18.147
There's a concept called inertia.

1190
00:51:18.227 --> 00:51:19.028
You've probably heard of it.

1191
00:51:19.088 --> 00:51:20.809
that there's inertia at rest,

1192
00:51:20.869 --> 00:51:23.551
which says a body at rest tends to stay at rest.

1193
00:51:23.552 --> 00:51:29.014
If there's a bowling ball on the carpet and you want to try to push it into motion,

1194
00:51:29.074 --> 00:51:30.795
it's hard at first because it's heavy.

1195
00:51:30.875 --> 00:51:31.675
You have to push it.

1196
00:51:31.676 --> 00:51:33.396
It has what's called inertia at rest.

1197
00:51:34.216 --> 00:51:36.518
But what happens when you get something in motion?

1198
00:51:37.298 --> 00:51:38.859
There's something called inertia at motion.

1199
00:51:38.999 --> 00:51:41.340
It tends to get easier to do that.

1200
00:51:41.881 --> 00:51:42.641
Life is like that.

1201
00:51:43.161 --> 00:51:44.362
If you're struggling with something,

1202
00:51:44.363 --> 00:51:46.463
the first step might be the hardest.

1203
00:51:47.064 --> 00:51:47.784
It might seem like.

1204
00:51:47.964 --> 00:51:48.744
oh my goodness,

1205
00:51:48.804 --> 00:51:53.186
I can't stop drinking or I can't stop trying to control everybody or I can't.

1206
00:51:54.007 --> 00:51:56.628
But take a step and take another one.

1207
00:51:56.968 --> 00:51:57.928
And then all of a sudden you'll go,

1208
00:51:59.229 --> 00:51:59.549
wow,

1209
00:51:59.969 --> 00:52:02.190
that had some benefits to it.

1210
00:52:02.970 --> 00:52:05.612
I feel a little better as I go to sleep tonight.

1211
00:52:06.412 --> 00:52:06.792
I'll do,

1212
00:52:07.252 --> 00:52:08.553
I'll take a couple more steps.

1213
00:52:08.593 --> 00:52:08.973
Then you go,

1214
00:52:09.933 --> 00:52:10.113
wow,

1215
00:52:10.193 --> 00:52:11.674
I'm feeling better about myself.

1216
00:52:12.154 --> 00:52:13.915
My relationships got better.

1217
00:52:13.995 --> 00:52:14.495
In other words,

1218
00:52:14.815 --> 00:52:15.896
you can build up this.

1219
00:52:16.364 --> 00:52:16.744
inertia,

1220
00:52:16.745 --> 00:52:17.244
emotion,

1221
00:52:17.524 --> 00:52:18.105
or momentum,

1222
00:52:18.305 --> 00:52:18.485
right?

1223
00:52:18.486 --> 00:52:19.885
A lot of people have heard the word momentum.

1224
00:52:21.065 --> 00:52:22.326
And whatever your struggle is,

1225
00:52:22.826 --> 00:52:25.627
there will come a time when you look back and you go,

1226
00:52:27.207 --> 00:52:30.548
I'm now experiencing life in a way that I didn't even know this existed.

1227
00:52:31.929 --> 00:52:41.991
I was so wrapped up into my insecurities and fears and anxieties and compulsions that I thought that's just what life was all about.

1228
00:52:42.612 --> 00:52:43.772
I didn't know what I didn't know.

1229
00:52:44.528 --> 00:52:48.932
But when you get on the other side and you're not being held back by those chains that hold all of us,

1230
00:52:49.572 --> 00:52:50.113
life is better.

1231
00:52:50.233 --> 00:52:50.813
It really is.

1232
00:52:51.694 --> 00:52:53.315
And you never have to be perfect because we're not.

1233
00:52:53.535 --> 00:52:55.657
We're not going to be perfect this side of heaven,

1234
00:52:55.717 --> 00:52:55.917
right?

1235
00:52:55.957 --> 00:52:57.258
Just each day,

1236
00:52:57.359 --> 00:52:58.279
do the best that you can.

1237
00:52:58.620 --> 00:53:01.362
And that's what being a good steward is of our lives.

1238
00:53:01.522 --> 00:53:03.123
Just give it your best shot.

1239
00:53:03.724 --> 00:53:04.364
When you mess up,

1240
00:53:04.444 --> 00:53:07.547
have some grace on yourself because God has grace.

1241
00:53:07.927 --> 00:53:09.749
He knows you're going to mess up.

1242
00:53:10.009 --> 00:53:13.632
So give yourself some grace as well and just keep moving in the right direction.

1243
00:53:14.568 --> 00:53:15.708
Awesome.

1244
00:53:15.709 --> 00:53:15.908
Well,

1245
00:53:16.188 --> 00:53:16.649
Steve,

1246
00:53:16.809 --> 00:53:19.469
please pray us out before we go.

1247
00:53:21.590 --> 00:53:21.930
Dear Lord,

1248
00:53:22.390 --> 00:53:26.471
I ask that you reach those individuals out there who are hearing this,

1249
00:53:27.432 --> 00:53:31.773
and hopefully they hear your voice as well,

1250
00:53:32.113 --> 00:53:32.793
speaking to them,

1251
00:53:33.253 --> 00:53:40.795
and that you are speaking a voice of encouragement and grace and acceptance and forgiveness,

1252
00:53:40.955 --> 00:53:42.716
and also a voice of promise.

1253
00:53:42.876 --> 00:53:43.756
You decide.

1254
00:53:44.172 --> 00:53:44.632
each of us.

1255
00:53:44.952 --> 00:53:49.055
You know exactly where we are and you know what we're facing.

1256
00:53:49.095 --> 00:53:51.356
So when we pray about our problems to you,

1257
00:53:51.396 --> 00:53:52.216
you already know them,

1258
00:53:52.397 --> 00:53:52.537
right?

1259
00:53:52.538 --> 00:53:53.837
You're not surprised by that.

1260
00:53:54.658 --> 00:53:56.719
And you also know that we can move past them.

1261
00:53:56.899 --> 00:53:59.220
And maybe we just haven't accepted that yet.

1262
00:53:59.740 --> 00:53:59.961
Lord,

1263
00:53:59.962 --> 00:54:02.762
so whoever those people out there who are hurting and they're struggling,

1264
00:54:03.282 --> 00:54:07.305
let them hear your voice saying that you understand what they're going through,

1265
00:54:07.525 --> 00:54:09.526
that you'll be with them every step of the way,

1266
00:54:10.126 --> 00:54:13.288
and that there is a better way that they can live.

1267
00:54:13.752 --> 00:54:32.462
and that they will look back on it at a time and just see that you have helped set them free from from the chains that held them back give them that encouragement and that positive assurance that their life can be better and and walk with them and give them the the strength as they move forward and let them also lord that

1268
00:54:32.522 --> 00:54:42.288
each of us gives ourself grace right we're not perfect and we're gonna make mistakes but let us just pick ourselves back up um you know forgive ourselves a little bit

1269
00:54:42.944 --> 00:54:44.007
and take the next step.

1270
00:54:44.387 --> 00:54:46.592
And we know that God will be with us every step of the way.

1271
00:54:47.274 --> 00:54:48.496
Thank you so much for loving us.

1272
00:54:48.937 --> 00:54:49.579
In your name we pray.

1273
00:54:49.779 --> 00:54:49.979
Amen.

1274
00:54:50.701 --> 00:54:50.921
Amen.

1275
00:54:52.124 --> 00:54:52.705
Thank you again,

1276
00:54:52.786 --> 00:54:53.106
Steve,

1277
00:54:53.126 --> 00:54:53.808
for coming on.

1278
00:54:54.430 --> 00:54:54.991
My pleasure.

1279
00:54:55.451 --> 00:54:59.014
Are you wrestling with something that was mentioned in today's episode?

1280
00:54:59.755 --> 00:55:03.017
Do you sense God gently tugging at your heart about something?

1281
00:55:03.778 --> 00:55:04.759
If you'd like prayer,

1282
00:55:05.359 --> 00:55:06.861
I'd be honored to pray for you.

1283
00:55:07.741 --> 00:55:15.948
You can reach out at honestchristianconversations.com forward slash contact or use the link in the show notes.

1284
00:55:16.489 --> 00:55:22.774
And if today stirred something deeper and you feel led to take the next step in addressing addiction patterns.

1285
00:55:23.538 --> 00:55:30.429
I invite you to check out the private podcast where we continue this journey toward freedom more intentionally.

1286
00:55:31.551 --> 00:55:33.635
Thank you for spending this time with me today.

1287
00:55:34.416 --> 00:55:38.082
I'm grateful you're here and I look forward to our next conversation.