Vanessa and Laura are powerful women of God who have been through the fire and lived to tell the tale.

Vanessa is very vulnerable about her journey to recovery, and Laura is equally vulnerable about her experience as the mom of a daughter battling addiction.

In this LIVE, we discuss Vanessa’s journey through detox and rehab to her life now as a married woman and recovering opioid addict.

With Laura, we discuss her role as a mom having to step aside and trust God to pick up her daughter’s pieces as they fell, and how her own marriage was strengthened during this season.

This conversation took many different turns, but each one was a powerhouse moment that God will use for His glory and His purpose in your life.

After listening, please leave a comment, like, and share this post with someone you know who may be struggling with addiction or struggling in general, and who needs the reminder that God is always with them and will never forsake them.

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He started by reading Jeremiah 29:11-13.

For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. Then you will call on me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you. You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart.

If I’m being honest, my mind immediately went to “I hope he doesn’t try to do a feel-good sermon about these verses and take them out of context.”

Let me share a little tidbit about my pastor. He doesn’t sugarcoat or take things out of context. This was no different.

He spent the next forty-five minutes sharing about the importance of keeping God first and leaving the distractions behind to follow God with your whole heart.

His whole sermon was God-breathed and spoke to me, especially because, if I am being honest, I was a bit distracted by an argument my husband and I had before church.

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Our pastor ended the sermon by speaking about the story of Mary and Martha, and I heard it completely differently today. It was as if God was lovingly and painfully calling me out.

Now it happened as they went that He entered a certain village; and a certain woman named Martha welcomed Him into her house. And she had a sister called Mary, who also sat at Jesus’ feet and heard His word. But Martha was distracted with much serving, and she approached Him and said, “Lord, do You not care that my sister has left me to serve alone? Therefore tell her to help me.” And Jesus answered and said to her, “Martha, Martha, you are worried and troubled about many things. But one thing is needed, and Mary has chosen that good part, which will not be taken away from her.”

For the first time, I saw myself in Martha in a way I hadn’t before and felt the weight of it all. I’ve identified with Martha’s busyness in the past, but I always justified it because I was “doing for God.” This time was different.

This verse hit me differently this time for two reasons:

1. Martha invited Jesus into her home.

2. Then she became distracted and worried about many things.

Wow! Jesus was invited, and then the distractions and worries of life took over. That is totally my story!

The last several months, God has been stripping away various things in my life that have been keeping me from being who God is calling me to be. I have enjoyed this pruning and slower season; however, somewhere along the way I assumed that if I stopped doing so much, I would automatically become more present with God.

Now that almost all those excuses I had for “I’m too busy to get close to God” are gone, I’m discovering that my empty calendar doesn’t necessarily mean I’m undistracted inside my heart.

Since 2020, I have listened to podcast after podcast and watched YouTube channel after YouTube channel about how to live for God, live a healthier/crunchier lifestyle, raise your kids in the ways of the Lord, discern false doctrines and teachers, and learn more about the charismatic movement.

I have been preoccupied with other spiritual things that aren’t inherently wrong, but they have kept me from hearing from God and caused me to miss the whole point: connecting with Him and sitting at His feet like Mary.

Now I find myself complaining to God about it like it’s his fault.

He has been gracious, though, and is not done working on me.

I left service with a mixture of annoyance because I wasn’t quite over the argument with my husband (which was ironically about this very subject of my legalistic and fearful mindset), and I was also feeling overwhelmed by my desire to go deeper with God but unable to detach my brain from all the white noise inside it from all the content/ opinions I have absorbed in my life.

If you are feeling distracted in your relationship with God, or if my reading of Mary and Martha’s story resonated with and convicted you, you are not alone.

Let’s come alongside each other to support one another.

Maybe the answer to your current struggle isn’t another podcast telling you how to seek God better.

Maybe it isn’t another YouTube video, book, teacher, or opinion.

Maybe, like me, you need to turn down the noise and do what Mary did.

Sit at Jesus’ feet and listen.

Today, let’s choose the better thing and come back to our first love, Jesus Christ.

Are you a Mary or a Martha?

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It wasn’t.

At the time, I had three young children, one of them a newborn. I was exhausted, irritable, and desperately trying to replace pornography with something that would numb the emotions I had never learned to handle.

I found myself turning to food, exercise, and even anger as new ways to cope.

My kids felt it.
My husband felt it.
I felt it.

God began teaching me that true healing wasn’t found in replacing one addiction with another but in depending on Him. The rhythm and atmosphere in our home changed again as I learned how to live without the coping mechanism I had relied on for so many years. It wasn’t always a pretty process.

I still snapped at my children. My poor husband had to adjust to the fact that I rarely wanted to watch television with him because I suddenly saw movies very differently. Things I had once been desensitized to now bothered me deeply. We weren’t always processing those changes in the same way, so we had to learn what this new season would look like for both of us.

Recovery didn’t just change me.

It changed my family too.

That part of addiction recovery isn’t talked about nearly enough.

We often celebrate sobriety, and we should, but we don’t always acknowledge that healing affects everyone close to us. Families are learning a new normal alongside the person in recovery, and that transition can be confusing, painful, and, ultimately, beautiful.

In this episode of Honest Christian Conversations, I sat down with Jennifer Chase, who grew up in an abusive home with an alcoholic father. Jennifer promised herself she would never follow the same path.

She kept that promise, but addiction still found its way into her life through a different substance. As she walked through recovery, she discovered someone else in her family was fighting a similar battle and began to understand how deeply addiction had affected the people she loved.

Our conversation is about more than addiction. It’s about the ripple effects of recovery, the grace needed for families to heal together, and the hope that God can redeem even the most broken seasons.

If you or someone you love is walking through addiction or learning how to live in the wake of recovery, I pray this conversation reminds you that you are not alone. God is able to bring healing not only to the person in recovery but also to the family walking beside them.

Thank you for sharing your time with me today. If this blessed you, please let me know.

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In this episode, I sit down with Jennifer Chase to discuss her journey through addiction, recovery, and the unexpected ways both affected the people she loves most.

Growing up in an alcoholic and abusive home, Jennifer made a promise to herself that she would never become an alcoholic like her father. She kept that promise. But as she shares in our conversation, addiction doesn’t always arrive in the form we expect.

Together, we discuss the realities of opiate addiction, the role family dynamics can play in both addiction and recovery, the difficult lessons surrounding enabling behaviors, and what it looks like to establish healthier boundaries with loved ones who are struggling.

One of the things that stood out to me most during this conversation was realizing that recovery is not just about the person overcoming addiction. It often requires an entire family to learn a new rhythm after years of dysfunction, pain, and unhealthy patterns.

Whether you are battling addiction yourself, walking alongside someone who is, or living with the aftermath of a loved one’s addiction, my hope is that this conversation encourages you, challenges you, and reminds you that healing is possible.

In this episode, we discuss:

• Growing up in an abusive and alcoholic household
• Why Jennifer vowed never to become an alcoholic
• How opiate addiction entered her life instead
• The impact addiction had on her marriage and children
• Recognizing and addressing enabling behaviors
• Supporting a loved one without enabling them
• How recovery affects the entire family
• Learning a new family rhythm after addiction
• Finding hope and healing through recovery
• Jennifer’s work helping others through addiction treatment and recovery

Thank you for listening to Honest Christian Conversations. If you like what you hear and want more, consider subscribing.

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“Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and do not lean on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge Him, and He will make straight your paths.” Proverbs 3:5–6

Like many of us, I had plans for my life. As a child, I dreamed of becoming an actor, a missionary, and later a writer. God allowed me to experience parts of each of those dreams, but not in the way I expected.

Over the last several years, I have grown significantly in my relationship with Christ. Through that growth, God has revealed several things about my heart, but today I want to share one of them.

When I look back on many experiences in my life (good and bad), I realized an important detail about myself.

I like to run ahead of God because I’m passionate and fighting past tendencies to “do for God”.

Because of a lack of discernment, contentment, and trust in my Heavenly Father, I rushed into plans God may not have intended for that season—or perhaps they were never meant to be mine at all.

Many times my passion/legalism would think I knew better than God, and I would jump into something seemingly innocent and religious headfirst and then pray for God to bless it afterward.

My heart aches with all this new information I have about the type of person I am and all the things I did “for God” and “in his name” that may not have been what He had planned for me. It also aches because I see all the grace He has given me throughout the years. It’s too much to count.

God has been reshaping every area of my life. Throughout the years, I have taken advice and wisdom from many different Christians, and while that is not inherently a bad thing, I was getting whiplash from all the advice and sources. Last week, I had finally had enough and was in a place where the only voice I wanted to hear from was God’s.

Can you relate?

While being in a season of heartbreak and feeling directionless, I have a sincere peace that I can only explain as fully surrendering to Christ what I had planned for my life.

This wasn’t an easy progression. I went through depression, months of God preparing me, and hearing hard truths from sources I wasn’t expecting it from to get to this peaceful state I am currently in.

My family is having to learn a new normal now, and it hasn’t been easy, but it has drawn my husband and me closer to each other and to God. It’s also reminded me of what truly matters: God, family, and friends.

I have since repented and have scaled back on what I choose to do with my time and efforts.

I am learning to be patient and wait on God’s timing and also how to enjoy the journey.

Through this process of laying down my will to take up Christ’s, I am learning:

• I was too busy doing things for God that I was missing valuable chances to connect with Him relationally.

• My family wasn’t getting the best part of me.

• I became jealous of other creatives doing better than I was, rather than rejoicing in God’s word getting out there.

• Underneath that jealousy was people-pleasing. I stayed in things longer than I should have because I felt pressure to perform rather than faithfully obey.

Before this family trauma happened, I had a new direction I was going to take the ministry; I was convinced it was what God wanted, and I was thrilled about it, ready to tell everyone.

After tragedy struck, I was reminded I wasn’t in control, and that led me to lay down my pride, my will, and finally surrender to God.

Now that I am seeking His direction instead of my own, I have a peace that surpasses all understanding in moving only where He leads me. I am learning to enjoy life in its slower pace and uncertainty.

We aren’t promised tomorrow, so why do we act like we control the outcome?

This is where my heart is now, and I hope yours is there too. If not, I have a few questions for you:

What part of your plans are you holding onto with a death grip?

What is keeping you from surrendering that to God?

If you struggle to let go of your ideas for your life, I get it; I was there too. It’s not easy to trust Him, especially if you have had trouble trusting humans. Let’s remember, God is not your earthly father.

He won’t fail you. He can’t fail you.

It’s time to let it go and allow God to take control. He knows everything from the beginning to the end, so He already knows all the anxieties you have about your future; He’s already been working to bring good from your past, and He is holding your hand right now through your present struggle.

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Here’s a prayer posture that has helped me lay down my own will:

Repent.

Thank Him for all the times He has been faithful.

Ask Him to help you learn to surrender all.

If this has blessed you today, I would love to hear from you.

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If you need someone to pray with you, I’d be honored to pray alongside you.

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If you are like me, you may have cringed because you know what it means, and it disgusts you.

Porn stars, exotic dancers, prostitution, erotic fiction authors—all of this is meant to stimulate a part of us that should only be stimulated by our spouse inside a healthy marriage between a man and a woman.

God’s design has once again been hijacked by corruption. You have the right to be angry, as a believer.

However, not at those in the industry, but at the industry itself.

The people inside the industry are victims, just like those stuck in porn or sex addiction, the spouse who pays for something outside of their marriage, or the lonely housewife who may read erotic novels, longing for her husband to be like the man in the book.

Does this hit you hard?

Do you want to judge the ones responsible for creating the content that is ruining so many marriages?

Are you ready to slap the face of the stripper who has your husband’s attention instead of you?

Don’t forget: they are people too, made in the image of God.

Have you ever paused to consider that the woman writing erotic novels is doing so because she is longing for something she will never have herself? Maybe she writes it because she grew up with unhealthy ideas about sex shaped by her family or by things she watched or experienced.

What about porn stars, strippers, or prostitutes?

Have you ever considered that they aren’t doing these things because they want to?

Some absolutely are forced.

Some are trafficked.

Some entered because of addiction.

Some because of poverty.

Some because of trauma.

Some because they chose it.

Human trafficking is a real epidemic all around the world, including here in America.

Take a moment and think about your loved ones. What if something happened to them and they were forced into the same position as the person you hate right now? How would that change your idea of them?

This was a convicting thought for me as well, and because of it, I repented, realizing I was judging too much and not showing enough of Jesus’ love and compassion for these broken souls.

Let’s take this a step further; sometimes the victims aren’t on the screen or writing the books or doing the prostituting.

Even those behind the camera, the pimps, and the publishers need the saving grace of Jesus.

What? How can you say that? Look at what they are doing, look at the money they are making. I bet they don’t even care. They have no soul.

Okay, perhaps this is true of some inside the industry, as performers and behind the scenes, but many are there because of abuse, coercion, addiction, trauma, or exploitation.

Whomever you are thinking of as “the most disgusting” in this industry is someone who desperately needs your prayers. God is placing them on your heart for a reason, and you need to wrestle with that tension between judging and healing.

Many in this industry were sold a lie by Satan that they would be fulfilled completely if they sold themselves to him, but as I learned from a former stripper, this is a lie straight from the pit of hell.

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I sat down for a heart-to-heart with Tiffany Brearton, a former stripper who spent years in the industry and is now a believer spreading the word about the darkness behind the adult entertainment industry and its need for a Savior through her speaking engagements and books. Her heart’s desire is to see everyone inside set free and healed in Jesus’ name.

Our conversation was raw, honest, and eye-opening. If you have any bitterness and judgment toward those in the industry, I encourage you to listen as Tiffany sheds some much-needed light on the realities of the adult entertainment industry by sharing what she experienced and what this industry really is.

Her conclusion wrecked me and gave me a new heart for those inside this vulgar industry.

If you have ever struggled with porn or sex addiction, found yourself passing judgment on those working inside a strip club, or on those who consume or write sexually explicit novels, you aren’t alone, but you aren’t right either.

Only God can judge fairly, so we need to surrender our judgments at his feet and do what he is calling us to do.

Love the least of these.

Did this episode change the way you think about those in the adult entertainment Industry? I would love to hear from you.

Honest Christian Conversations exists to encourage, equip, and help you stand firm in your faith. If you are looking for a deeper connection in your community, consider becoming a subscriber.

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I didn’t expect how much this conversation would challenge my assumptions.

As someone who spent years trapped in pornography addiction, I thought I understood the darkness of the adult industry. But Tiffany helped me see aspects I had either overlooked or never fully considered. Through her firsthand experience as a former stripper, she shares how she entered the industry, what life was really like behind the scenes, how God rescued her, and why she now speaks out about the realities many people never see.

This is not an easy conversation, but it is an important one.

Whether you have personally struggled with pornography, know someone who works in the adult industry, or simply want to better understand the realities behind an industry that affects millions of lives, I pray this discussion challenges you, encourages you, and reminds you that no one is beyond the reach of God’s grace.

Thank you for listening. If you enjoy this content, consider subscribing for more.

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• “Just pray more.”

• “Just try harder.”

• “Get accountability.”

• “You need more faith.”

These are not always helpful, are they?

I’m Ana Murby, and this is Honest Christian Conversations, Minisode edition. Thank you for joining me today.

Whether this is your first time or you have been here before, I look forward to walking through this with you, because it’s a lesson I had to learn the hard way.

Confession time: I have said these things from time to time as well. They were even part of my mentality while I was going through my pornography addiction.

“Just pray more.”

“Just try harder.”

“You need more faith.”

These haunted me during my 17 years of being addicted to porn. I felt like a hypocrite because I knew this wasn’t how a Christian lives, and I wanted to stop. I had the willpower and the spiritual desire to be free from porn, but I wasn’t able to stop.

Why not? I was praying, crying, and begging God to take this from me. I believed and demanded in faith that I was already healed, and yet I wasn’t.

Whenever I was in an “I want to stop” mood, I could stop for long spurts before eventually falling back into the same cycle.

What gives? Why wasn’t I getting better?

This question frustrated me often. How about you?

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I desire to look as skinny as I did before I had five children, but I also love pizza, burgers, and Mexican food.

I want to work out to get healthier, but I also like sitting and writing.

Now take a moment to think back to a time in your life when you had the willpower to do something and how that went.

Were you able to achieve your long-term goal?

If you said no, don’t feel bad. You aren’t alone.

We all have willpower, but willpower alone isn’t enough. If we don’t turn to God in prayer and do the hard work necessary for freedom, we will eventually fall off the wagon.

Here is a reality check that may help you:

Yeah, that upset me too when I was early in my recovery process.

We feel empowered when we decide to take back our lives from the things that once held us down, but that feeling only lasts so long before we find ourselves back in the arms of our addiction.

Why?

Because we haven’t surrendered the ‘why’ behind our addiction to Christ, our Savior.

The reason behind your addiction is what you need to work through. That is the key to lasting freedom.

What is your addiction, and why do you think you do it?

Once I started my sobriety journey, God began revealing the deeper reasons behind my addiction. That’s when I realized that wanting freedom wasn’t enough.

My mindset needed to shift from ‘I can do this’ to ‘I can’t do this without God’s help.’

Your mindset needs to change, too.

Once you realize it’s not about what you can do but what God wants to do in you, you can move to the next step of recovery—and this one is helpful, but only if it’s done right.

Accountability

Hear me when I say this: Accountability alone is not enough.

You need the right accountability partners—people who will lift you up, be intentional, pray for you, and do battle alongside you.

When I first admitted my addiction, I told my husband, my family, and just about anyone else who would listen.

I liked that everyone knew about my struggle and that I was working on it.

The interesting thing is that nobody really checked up on me, not even my husband.

Praise God, that didn’t send me back into my addiction. In fact, it had the opposite effect. Knowing that everyone and their mother knew about my addiction helped me stay sober.

You may not be able to do what I did, and that’s okay. Don’t compare yourself to me.

You may need to keep only a few trusted people in the know. Just make sure they are trustworthy and willing to walk alongside you, no matter what.

If you aren’t sure you have anyone to talk to, ask God to bring someone into your life.

Accountability is important, but only when it is done right.

Let’s recap what makes a good accountability partner:

Accountability software is another fantastic tool that I took advantage of early in my recovery process. It can be helpful, but only if you are willing to do the hard work as well.

If your goal is to eventually live without accountability software on your devices, then you must be willing to move beyond simply avoiding the behavior and begin addressing the deeper issue beneath the addiction.

You need to move from sobriety into recovery.

If you aren’t sure what the difference is between sobriety and recovery, my episode with porn addiction recovery coach Chris Rogers takes a deeper look at the root of the struggle and how to bring those struggles before God as part of the healing process.

The deeper I dug into the root of my addiction, the more I realized that freedom wasn’t going to come from trying harder.

Before we go, let me leave you with one question:

Thank you for joining me today. I am so encouraged by this. I hope you are as well.

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I’m Ana Murby, and today on this minisode, we will discuss what it really takes to get into the recovery process of your addiction sobriety journey.

Maybe you grew up with parents who never talked about it. If you’re anything like me, you learned through trauma, movies, or experiences you weren’t prepared for.

I have five children, and honestly, I don’t remember ever having this conversation with my oldest daughter. She’s an adult now.

My crash course came when my son was in fifth grade and was introduced to a few semi-pornographic videos on YouTube by a friend.

I didn’t handle that situation well, having been addicted to porn most of my younger years. Because he attended public school, he was also exposed to and taught about sexual topics and ideas I had never encountered.

At the same time, I was raising two young daughters and another son. The idea of having to deal with this talk four times was nauseating for me.

Having experienced molestation as a child and then growing up with very little healthy discussion about sexuality, I wanted my children to feel comfortable talking to me about difficult subjects—even this one. God forbid they ever experience something similar to what I went through. However, I didn’t have a clue how to do this without making it weird or making my children feel weird.

Children today are not sheltered, no matter how much you try to make them be. They are growing up in an increasingly unfiltered world. The truth is, they often know more than we realize.

I was faced with a choice:

I chose to trust God.

I began having open and honest conversations with my children. We called body parts by their proper names, and I provided age-appropriate explanations and guidance as needed.

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Have you ever heard of the Rebooted Teen program? I hadn’t either.

That’s why I was excited to sit down with former porn addict and school teacher, now worship leader and porn addiction recovery coach, Chris Rogers, to discuss his Rebooted Teen ministry.

Through a thoughtful conversation about why children are drawn to certain types of content, we can better understand how to respond as parents with wisdom, grace, and confidence. I learned so much from Chris, and his insights were both practical and encouraging.

I wish there had been a female mentor like Chris in my life as a teen to help my parents and me navigate these waters.

If you are dreading the “sex talk” with your own children, this episode is designed to encourage and equip you with practical tools for navigating conversations that may feel awkward but don’t have to be.

If this episode gave you the confidence to have that awkward conversation with your child, I would love to hear about it.

If this article encouraged you and you’d like to help keep Honest Christian Conversations free, you’re welcome to support the ministry by clicking the image below. Thank you for your kindness!

Sexuality is part of life; God created sex and said it was good. Because of that truth, this topic shouldn’t be awkward for us to discuss with our children. So why is it? Sin has perverted it.

This generation is inundated with sexual content everywhere. We need to be ready to have these tough conversations with them because if we don’t, the world will.

In this episode, I’m joined by Porn Recovery Coach Chris Rogers to discuss the root of why we engage in the sexual behaviors we do. He shares helpful tips, practices, and anecdotes to help parents break down the embarrassment they feel about this topic.

His expertise helps teen boys understand the difference between lust and healthy sexual desire. He also offers a program that helps parents learn how to have healthy, open conversations about sex.

No matter your life circumstance, by the end, you’ll feel encouraged and better equipped to approach this topic with more confidence.

Thanks for listening to Honest Christian Conversations! Subscribe for free to receive new posts and support my work.

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Why do I promise myself: “This is the last time”…only to find myself right back in the same cycle days later?

I know that cycle well, and I hate it too.

When I wrestle with these questions, Romans 7:15-20 often comes to mind. Maybe you are familiar with it.

You may have read that verse and felt a little like you were reading a Dr. Seuss book. I get it, it seems repetitive and maybe a little long-winded, but the message seems clear to me.

Did you catch it?

Don’t let this discourage you, though.

Today, I hope to start you on a journey toward freedom from the burden of guilt and shame that comes from patterns of repeated sin.

I’m Ana Murby, and this is Honest Christian Conversations, minisode edition. I’m all too familiar with unhealthy behavior patterns, being a former porn addict for 17 years. During my sobriety journey, I learned a lot about myself and what makes me tick, and I hope today I can help you uncover some things about yourself that will change the trajectory of your life, as mine did.

Let’s get to it.

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Here is an example of the vicious cycle of addiction:

Does this cycle seem to be relevant to your struggle?

I resonate with it, not just with my former porn addiction, but all other addictive behaviors I have or once had.

Take a moment and list out three behaviors you repeat and how they make you feel.

Do you find yourself in the cycle above?

If so, stay here and let’s walk through together how to overcome the flesh.

Overcoming triggers:

The 17 years I was stuck in porn addiction were the darkest and most miserable years of my life. I was constantly full of guilt, shame, hypocrisy, and self-loathing.

I have been blessed to share my story on many podcasts, and one question they usually ask me is, “What were your triggers?”

This is a fun, humbling, and eye-opening question that any addict, or former addict, should answer honestly.

These were mine:

• Negative emotions (mostly anger)

• Insecurity

• A temporary emotional escape from negative emotions or a lack of intimacy with my spouse

• Curiosity

List out some of your own triggers.

Do you see a pattern emerging between both our lists?

They are, on the surface, self-centered drives.

Now, if you are like me, you just heard me say, “You are selfish.”

That is not at all what I am saying, so please don’t hear that lie.

What I am saying is that our desires may stem from trauma, unmet needs, or life experiences that train us to look inward for relief.

It takes time, energy, and daily surrender to stop the cravings.

It won’t be easy, but it will be worth it when you can finally overcome your urges, rather than them overcoming you.

Stay with me as I walk you through how to spot addictive behaviors and what to do about them.

Overcoming Behaviors:

The triggers I mentioned earlier always brought me to pornography for “relief” from my life.

What do your triggers always draw you back to, whether you like it or not?

Behavior patterns are a funny thing.

What do kids do once they find a movie, song, or book they love?

They replay it over and over until you’re ready to scream. Or is that just my children?

The truth is that it’s not just kids who get this way. Adults aren’t that different, are we?

Think of a song you love and try to count how many times you’ve listened to it.

Tell me what your favorite movie is and how many times you’ve seen it.

Pride and Prejudice (the Keira Knightley version) is mine.

I lost track of how many times I have seen it.

If you hate small talk, you will love the awkwardness of this clip from my favorite scene.

The patterns we repeat may seem harmless, but what we repeatedly consume shapes our worldview, habits, and desires over time.

Not all bad behaviors look nefarious, either.

On its surface, working out and eating healthy aren’t bad until they become your all-consuming goal in life.

Even doing Christian things could become a sinful habit.

Don’t believe me?

Why are you serving at church? For Validation? To occupy your time? Church obligation?

Why do you do every bible study you can? To seem overly spiritual? To catch a feeling? Because you think it will get you to heaven?

Your motives matter: if they stop being about God and become about self, even these wholesome endeavors can become driven by sinful motives.

Check your motives every day to see whether they are positive or negative.

Overcoming Guilt and Shame:

This one is hard.

I won’t lie.

Guilt and shame are Satan’s greatest tools to keep you in bondage to your repeated sin.

This is where you need to know who you are in Christ.

If you call yourself a Christian, then you are a child of God.

That should be a big boost in your ability to overcome guilt and shame for repeatedly sinning because you know that your Heavenly Father, even if he has to discipline you, still loves you unconditionally.

If you aren’t a believer or you have fallen away from the faith, this step won’t be as easy to achieve, because lasting transformation is found only in Christ.

Surrendering to Him will be a big step in walking a path of true overcoming.

I encourage you to take a look at all the passages in the bible where God talks about how he loves you.

Find the verses that talk about being a child of God and what power comes with that.

Here is a truth that I hope will set you free from your prison of guilt and shame for repeated sins:

You don’t need to clean up your act to come to Christ; you need to believe and then allow the Holy Spirit to change you through time.

It could be a short time or a longer one, but you will see a change.

The temptation to sin will always be there, as Paul wrote in our opening verse; it’s our sinful nature warring inside us. But in Christ, you have the power to overcome.

Overcoming the Repeat:

Now that you understand your triggers, what behaviors they draw you to, and how to combat guilt and shame, let’s learn how to stop the repeat cycle of these bad behaviors.

Too bad there isn’t a button to click to turn off the repeat, like there is on your favorite music app, am I right?

This step will take intentionality and determination.

Overcoming patterns and habits you’ve lived in for years won’t be a walk in the park. Well, maybe a walk through Jurassic Park. Yes, I know that was cheesy.

It will be tough and irritating, and it might even make you cry.

That’s okay, let it out to God, share your frustrations with him.

He loves you, and he wants to help you become free more than anyone else.

Take it a day and behavior at a time.

It’s a slow process, not a sprint.

Before I end this, if you need more help on this journey to making healthier habits, I created the Retrain Your Brain series.

It was birthed out of my desire to see people stuck in addictive patterns set free from them, using God’s word as our ultimate source of overcoming.

I encourage you to walk through the 12-week Retrain Your Brain series at your own pace.

I'm ready to retrain my brain

Thank you for joining me today. If something in this article encouraged or challenged you, I would love to hear from you.

Leave a comment

If this article encouraged you and you’d like to help keep Honest Christian Conversations free, you’re welcome to support the ministry by clicking the image below. Thank you for your kindness!

In this minisode of Honest Christian Conversations, I walk through the cycle of repeated sin and addictive behavior, exploring how triggers, habits, guilt, and shame can quietly keep us in bondage for years.

Drawing from Romans 7:15–20 and my own testimony of overcoming a pornography addiction, I share practical reflections on:

• Understanding triggers and behavioral patterns
• Why repeated habits shape our desires and worldview
• The difference between conviction and condemnation
• How guilt and shame keep us trapped in unhealthy cycles
• Why identity in Christ matters in overcoming repeated sin
• Learning to take healing one day and one behavior at a time

This episode isn't about pretending life is perfectly together. It’s about honestly confronting the cycles we hate, understanding why they happen, and learning how to walk toward freedom in Christ.

You scan through the black-and-white magazine with Batboy on the cover and find yourself staring intently at the woman on the cover of a popular women’s magazine. As you gaze at the figure up and down, you notice something important.

Her hair is flawless, her skin is radiant, she has no wrinkles or frown lines, and her teeth are whiter than snow.

You scan down further and see her slender and perfect figure in that red dress, and a twinge comes over you as you look at the article title: “How does Jennifer Aniston still look so young after all these years?”

You frown, turn away from the magazine, and watch as the cashier starts bagging your groceries.

Your brain starts to wander back to that perfect lady in the magazine as you push your cart to the parking lot.

How DOES she still look like a bombshell?

She must work out and never eat sweets or fast food.

Yeah, maybe you’re right, OR a better explanation (and probably more likely) is that she had work done on her photo to make her look that good.

You may not have said it, but I’m sure you’ve thought it at some point; they are clearly altered images.

This mentality doesn’t just stay in the realm of magazine models; it extends to other areas of life, too.

The perfect Instagram selfie or family photo, a clean house just minutes before a friend or family member shows up, how you present yourself at church, or the worst offender of all, your idea of who Jesus really is.

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The way we see our savior is shaped by our experiences, influences, and ideas.

That is why this form of airbrushing and tweaking is the most dangerous.

Sure, it’s harmful to women’s psyches to see a “flawless” woman in a magazine; it makes them feel less than, like something is wrong with them if they don’t look that way, too.

Never mind how men looking at those “perfect” women affects their ability to relate to real women.

All of that pales in comparison to how detrimental it is to believe in a savior who is airbrushed and altered from the real thing.

Let me show you why this form of alteration matters most.

Now, do you see why it is the worst form of airbrushing?

Have you ever been to Sioux Falls, SD?

Yeah, me neither, but back in 2025, I had a great discussion with Pastor Phill Tague of Ransom Church in Sioux Falls, South Dakota, about this very topic.

We explored how our ideas about Jesus can harm the real relationship He wants with us.

It was a convicting conversation that left me realizing I needed to repent and change some of my ideas about who Jesus really was.

The top four ways you are harming your relationship with Jesus.

1. You Can “Do Christianity” and Still Not Know Jesus

I am a recovering people pleaser and legalistic Christian.

Having grown up in the church all my life, I knew bible stories like the back of my hand. I could recite Bible verses and sound “Holy” in the right crowd. I was always considered the “Good girl” in my family, the child every parent wished they had. So obedient, soft-spoken, and kind…I was the best legalistic Christian I could be.

Then, in my early twenties, I went through a painful divorce from an abusive “Christian” man, and I quit living for God, as if it was HIS fault.

For the next eight months, I did whatever I wanted to and didn’t care about God’s opinion.

Okay, well, I cared a smidgen, and that’s why I still went to church now and then, prayed at least once every day, and sometimes read my Bible or listened to Christian music.

These were ways I “played Christian” while living for myself and trying to feel better about what I was doing.

Eventually, I knew I was a hypocrite, felt conviction about it, but chose to go all in for my debauchery, instead of turning back to Christ.

Through God’s grace and pursuing, He allowed me back into his presence, skinned knees, bruised ego, and hypocritical heart aside.

When I returned to Christ at thirty years old, I finally realized that I did nothing to earn the love of Jesus.

I was a fool, a porn addict (at the time), someone who cussed a lot and listened to vulgar music, plus other things I won’t mention.

I didn’t earn His forgiveness, His kindness, or the restoration of my heart and mind.

He gave me everything because he loved me so much and didn’t want me to stay in that terrible position.

He did the same for you!

Legalism is a dangerous trap that leads you to believe that you contribute something to your salvation.

You DON’T.

You CAN’T.

You aren’t perfect like Jesus is. Let that realization sink in and free you.

It’s possible you are living a religious life, like I did most of mine: following rules, saying the right things, looking the part.

If this feels like you right now, then you are sadly missing a real relationship with Christ.

It leaves you trying to earn something that was never meant to be earned, creating a lack of intimacy with Jesus.

👉 Stop trying to do enough to earn God’s love and realize you already have it through the finished work Jesus did on the cross.

2. The Real Issue Isn’t Behavior—It’s Surrender

Have you ever tried to have a healthier lifestyle?

You were diligent, going to the gym for a long time, you ate better, and then a family member had a birthday party.

Uh-oh!

The cake looks delicious, and you try only one small piece, a reward for all your hard, disciplined work.

Fast forward a month, and you stopped going to the gym and are back to eating sweets; guilt and shame creep in, and you decide to try your health journey again, but it wavers.

This becomes a vicious cycle that goes on for several years before you finally give up trying to be healthy altogether.

I have been there and done that so much that I should have a T-shirt.

Living a healthy lifestyle is hard work, especially when it takes so much time and intention and costs a lot of money.

The problem, though, isn’t necessarily the behavior as much as it is the WHY behind why you can’t keep up with your goals.

Look at someone you admire for achieving their goals. What do they have in common?

• Determination

• Passion

• Discipline

• Sacrifice

Without these things, it will be hard for you to do the right thing, but more than that, in your spiritual walk, you need to be careful about your motives for what you do.

Surrender is the essence of the gospel. (Romans 5:8)

Jesus’ sacrifice on the cross gave you a chance at new life and to surrender your own life back to him.

Trying to fix outward behavior without addressing lordship leads to a cycle of frustration and double living.

If you feel like a hypocrite right now, do an internal check of your heart’s desire and see if it is Jesus or something else. If your answer is anything other than God, it means you are out of alignment, and you won’t be able to have a healthy relationship with your Savior.

👉 Transformation begins when Jesus isn’t just believed in but truly followed as Lord.

3. The “Jesus We Want” vs. the Jesus Who Is

I have an issue with The Chosen.

Now, before you stop reading, let me explain.

I did a fantastic deep dive into the many reasons why I have spiritual issues with the show on my podcast, Honest Christian Conversations. If you haven’t heard any of the buzz around The Chosen, you’ve got to listen to this.

Here is one of the hang-ups I have with it.

Jesus is NOT a hottie!

I found myself drooling over Peter, and some other disciples, but worse than that, whenever I read the Bible, I saw Jesus…no, not THE JESUS…The Chosen Jesus. The handsome, hard to look at without turning into a giggling schoolgirl version of Jesus.

This was a problem!

There’s nothing wrong with “drop-dead gorgeous,” but no one knows what Jesus looks like, and the Bible gives us a glimpse into something different:

He grew up before him like a tender shoot, and like a root out of dry ground.
He had no beauty or majesty to attract us to him, nothing in his appearance that we should desire him. (Isaiah 53:2)

Making Jesus into who you want Him to be is a concern that many of us share, not just with The Chosen but with many other versions of Jesus out there in book, video, preaching, and podcast forms.

Do you share the same concerns?

Many people, unknowingly or knowingly, create an “airbrushed” version of Jesus—one that fits their comfort, avoids conviction, and aligns with their expectations; but when that version of Jesus doesn’t satisfy as you expected, you want to leave Him altogether.

Not knowing who Jesus really is can be very detrimental to your relationship with God because you place expectations on Jesus and believe promises he never made to you.

Discernment is important, especially in the spiritual world. Knowing what the bible actually says about Jesus is important to having a healthy relationship with God.

👉 When you redefine Jesus, you end up trusting a version of Him that doesn’t actually exist.

4. God’s Goal Is Not Your Comfort—It’s Your Transformation

Many Word of Faith preachers out there tout that God always wants us “healthy and wealthy”.

I don’t know where they got that information from, but it’s a bald-faced lie!

If you can name me chapter and verse where it says that, I will repent for what I just said.

Go on, I’ll wait…

Spoiler alert: There is no verse.

You may want to mention Jeremiah 29:11 to me right now, but I have news for you.

That was not a promise made to everyone, only God’s people, Israel, at the time. Read the whole chapter in context, and you will see.

That being said, it doesn’t mean that God doesn’t want you to have a fulfilled life; it just means this specific promise wasn’t for you, so don’t hold on to it.

Context matters; this is how you make mistakes with who Jesus really is.

You think you know what His word is saying, or you listen to someone who says they know and blindly believe it because, well, they are a pastor, or Christian influencer/musician.

DANGEROUS!

God never said he wants us to be comfortable in our walk with him; in fact, he says the opposite.

“In this life you will have troubles, but take heart, for I have overcome the world.” (John 16:33)

That is just one of the verses in which Jesus warns you about the sacrifice it takes to follow him. Take some time today to look at all the other places in the Bible that say following Him won’t be a cakewalk.

As humans, we naturally want to be happy, at ease, and in control, but God is after something deeper:

Obedience often leads you into uncomfortable places, but those are the places where real growth happens.

👉 True joy isn’t found in getting what you want. It’s found in becoming the person God is shaping you to be.

Are you following Jesus as He is or a version of Him you’ve created?

Depending on your answer, how will you respond to what God is showing you?

If you are curious to know more about how to mend your important relationship with your Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ, I encourage you to listen to Airbrushed Jesus vs. the Real Jesus: A Conversation About True Faith

God Bless

-Ana

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If you can’t think of a time, let’s jog your memory by using some examples from my own life.

In high school, I had some close friends, and we did almost everything together…almost. Several times, they had gone to movies with other friends without inviting me. I found this out because the next day we hung out, they would be talking about the movie and who was there, in front of me.

Another example is whenever my children don’t want to read the bible, don’t eat what I cook, say something awful to a sibling, or throw a tantrum, I take it personally. I would think: “This is all my fault. I am a bad mom.” “Maybe they don’t love me, and that’s why they disrespect me.”

Are you starting to think of your own life examples now? I have plenty more examples, but here is one more.

My husband isn’t a big talker. Most days it’s fine with me. My love language is quality time, so if he just sits with me, I am good 90% of the time. The other 10% of the time, I think, “What did I do wrong now?” “Maybe he is angry with me for something.” Worse yet, “Why doesn’t he want to make time for me? Maybe he doesn’t love me anymore.”

What do you think? Any of these examples hit home for you?

I am a recovering people pleaser and codependent. To this day, in my forties, I am still trying to figure out who I am apart from the noise of everyone in my life.

Can you relate?

Have you heard the saying: You are the sum of the five people you hang out with?

Why do you think that is?

I think it’s because we unintentionally believe their opinions matter more than what God says about us.

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If you are feeling convicted right now, you aren’t alone. Remember, I said I was a recovering codependent. We come by this thought pattern honestly. The world tells you various conflicting ideas:

• You can’t trust people, so depend on yourself.

• Women are told not to depend on a man for anything, but also to find their soul mate.

• Men and women are both sold this lie: that a woman’s value is found in her looks.

As a Christian, you need to be fully dependent on Christ.

It can all be overwhelming, right?

How should you handle all this tension?

Glad you asked.

I had a heart-to-heart conversation with a man whose family was turned upside down when he discovered his wife’s empty bag of pharmaceutical drug bottles behind the couch.

After trying to confront her about it and getting nowhere, his codependency started to kick in, and he tried to become her savior, which only fueled the fire of her addiction.

Steve Rotermund is a former pastor and the founder of Walk Right Ministries, which he started after his own journey through codependency.

Steve was very vulnerable with me about how his wife’s addiction affected him and his family.

He also shared valuable information for learning the signs of an unhealthy versus a healthy relationship.

If you have ever felt an intense desire to make everyone like you, felt a sense of inadequacy fluctuating according to a spouse’s mood, tried to be your addicted loved one’s savior, or let your children’s choices determine your parenting success, this episode is for you!

After you listen, please share your thoughts with me.

Leave a comment

If this article encouraged you and you’d like to help keep Honest Christian Conversations free, you’re welcome to support the ministry by clicking the image below. Thank you for your kindness!

In this episode of Honest Christian Conversations, I talk with Steve Rotermund about codependency and addiction—and how it can quietly destroy families. Steve shares his story of walking through his wife’s addiction, 13 years of codependency, and the impact on his marriage, children, and faith.

This conversation looks at addiction from a different angle, not just the person struggling, but those living in the middle of it.

We discuss what codependency really is, how it shows up in everyday life, and why trying to “fix” someone else can lead to deeper brokenness.

If you’ve ever felt responsible for someone else’s emotions or choices, this episode can help.

Thanks for listening to Honest Christian Conversations! Subscribe for free to receive new posts and support my work.

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In this episode, I open up about my own struggle with control, how hidden patterns can form without us realizing it, and why addiction is often more subtle than we think.

You’ll also hear practical self-reflection questions to help you uncover what may be driving your habits, along with encouragement for how to begin walking in freedom without shame.

If you’ve ever felt stuck in people-pleasing, emotional dependence, perfectionism, or hidden habits you can’t quite explain, this episode is for you.

In this episode:
• Hidden addiction signs most people miss
• The connection between control, validation, and emotional dependency
• Why people-pleasing can become addictive
• Practical questions to help you identify unhealthy patterns
• How to begin breaking free through honesty, repentance, and truth

Want to know more about the warning signs of addictive behavior?
Check out my conversation with Steve Ward of STEPS Ministries, where we unpack subtle addictions and why uncovering your “why” matters.

👉 If you’re walking through struggles with habits, addiction, or spiritual strongholds, I also host a private podcast focused on recovery, healing, and freedom in Christ.

Retrain Your Brain

👉If something in this minisode encouraged, challenged, or helped you take a step forward in your faith. I would love to hear about it.

Leave a comment

If this article encouraged you and you’d like to help keep Honest Christian Conversations free, you’re welcome to support the ministry by clicking the image below. Thank you for your kindness!

Yeah, me neither.

Waiting is hard and rarely enjoyable, but when it comes to living for Christ, it’s often part of that walk.

My family has had plumbing problems with our house for many years now. We’ve done everything we could to get it fixed, but it still hasn’t been resolved because we only recently discovered the main issue.

Our pipes are disintegrating.

Yeah, you read that right.

They’re made of something called Orangeburg, which is apparently just a step above papier-mâché.

Great… now what?

Well, to fix the problem, we need to tear up our house’s foundation and replace the entire plumbing.

Not only will this cost more than we can afford, but it also means my family of six will have to stay somewhere else while it’s being fixed.

At first, my husband and I were both stressed. The price tag alone was overwhelming. But then he said something simple:

“It will be okay. God’s got this.”

That moment shifted something for me. It reminded me what faith looks like in real life.

And now… we wait.

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Our insurance won’t cover the project. (Which honestly makes you wonder what homeowners’ insurance is even for.)

So my husband applied for a state grant to help cover the cost. We were told that because our house is older, we might qualify for additional repairs too, which would be an incredible blessing, since there are other things we haven’t been able to fix.

They also said we have a good chance of getting approved. They just needed paperwork.

So we submitted everything… and entered another waiting season.

Then Tuesday came.

First, our insurance agent called and said they’re looking into why the previous company never fixed this issue, even though they knew about it.

That felt like a small step forward.

A few hours later, the woman from the state agency called. She had a few follow-up questions and then said she would submit everything and be in touch once a decision is made.

She also seemed confident we would receive the grant.

Ugh… more waiting. But hopeful waiting.

I want to encourage you with this:

Just because you are in a waiting season doesn’t mean God isn’t paying attention.

The day before those calls—on Monday—I had a real, honest moment with God. I told Him how I was feeling, praised Him for who He is, worshiped, and said something simple:

“I just want to move from this waiting room to the next one.”

And here we are.

Nothing is fixed yet.

We’re still waiting.

But we’re not in the same place we were before.

I thank you, God, for listening, even when I’m just venting. Thank you for meeting me here. I’ll keep trusting You through this next phase of waiting.

If you’re in a waiting season right now, take a moment and look at how far God has already brought you.

Thank Him for that.

And trust Him with what’s still ahead.

God isn’t silent. His lack of visible movement doesn’t mean He doesn’t care.

It means He’s working.

It means He’s growing you.

So let Him.

And if you can… try to find a way to enjoy the process, even when it feels really hard.

If this article encouraged you and you’d like to help keep Honest Christian Conversations free, you’re welcome to support the ministry by clicking the image below. Thank you for your kindness!

In this episode of Honest Christian Conversations, I talk with Steve Ward, founder of Steps Ministries, about high-functioning addiction, compulsive habits, and the hidden “chains” that can quietly shape our lives.

From alcohol and porn addiction to everyday coping patterns, we explore how addiction forms in both the brain and the heart, how to recognize the true cost of unhealthy habits, and how to begin the journey of addiction recovery without shame.

You’ll walk away with practical insight, encouragement, and clear next steps toward healing, community, and freedom in Christ.

👉 Go deeper with the "Retrain Your Brain" Series
If you're walking through struggles with habits, addiction, or spiritual strongholds, I also host a private podcast focused on recovery, healing, and freedom in Christ.

What impacted you the most from this episode?

Leave a comment

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It’s true.

But lately, I’ve realized there is another layer to that statement:

Marriage will also show you how selfish you really are.

That’s a harsh reality. But anyone who has been married longer than the obligatory newlywed phase knows it.

You don’t even have to wait for kids to find out how selfish you are—just try to agree on what to eat, watch, or listen to. That should do it.

Okay… you might be feeling a little deflated right now (thanks, Ana). But hold on—this is not where I’m leaving you.

Here’s the harsh but loving truth:

We are all selfish. Not just you.

Does that make you feel a little better?

Okay… how about this:

You don’t have to stay that way.

Back in December of 2024, my life as I knew it took a dark and upsetting turn.

I won’t go into details out of respect for everyone involved. But I will say this: the situation broke me to the point where I realized just how deep my selfishness ran.

What should have been a joyful time of year—Christmas—became heavy for my family. And a big part of that was how I handled being hurt by someone I cared about deeply.

Poorly. I handled it poorly.

I felt wronged, and I wanted that person to feel it—to understand how terrible what they did was.

And because of that, I made decisions I didn’t even want to make—decisions that were, honestly, worse than what had been done to me.

But when we’re being selfish… do we really count the cost?

I know I didn’t.

I realize I’m being vague, and it’s probably frustrating. I’m sorry for that. But this situation is deeply personal, and still a fresh wound for my family. I’m not quite ready to share more, especially since others involved aren’t ready for that either.

Here’s the takeaway from that painful realization:

Because it only cares about itself—not about the other person or their side of the story.

Another hard truth… but it’s real.

After everything came to light—things I wish hadn’t—I had to face my part in it.

I had to repent.

Not just for what I did, but for what was underneath it.

I had to admit something I didn’t want to admit:

I am a selfish person.

And I needed to figure out how deep that root went, and it went deep into childhood.

But I’m not here to blame anyone (sorry, counselors). This is mine to own.

After that, I started making changes, and they were hard.

I realized I needed to be more present—to set aside my own wants in the moment when I hear:

“Play with me, Mommy.”
“Babe, can you help me?”

Even in the small, everyday things—like laundry and dishes—I needed to show up differently.

There were times I avoided those things because no one noticed… and I resented my family for it.

That’s hard to admit. But it’s true.

I was looking for recognition here on earth… instead of remembering where it actually matters.

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So what did I do about it?

The same thing you can do if you’re feeling convicted right now:

Please your audience of One.

That’s it.

Live to please God, because when you do that, you naturally begin to serve others, and God gets the glory.

Treat your family, your friends, your coworkers—everyone—as if their lives matter.

Because they do.

Get out of your own bubble.

Remember who you are:
A wife. A mother. A husband. A father. A grandparent.

We all have needs. And especially in marriage, how we treat our spouse reflects Christ and the Church.

He wasn’t selfish.

He gave His life.

Do we have that same heart toward our spouse? Our children?

If I’m honest… I don’t know.

But I want to.

Selfishness is something we’re born into.

But learning to die to self?

That takes a lifetime. And that’s okay.

Give yourself grace.

Repent when needed.

And take the next right step.

Ask God to help you when pride, resentment, or selfishness rise up.

Ask Him to remind you of His faithfulness… and His sacrifice.

Because when you truly see what He did for you, something shifts.

You begin to want to live differently—especially toward the people closest to you.

This morning, my 9-year-old woke up before my 6:20 alarm and started asking deep questions while I was trying to read my Bible.

My 6-year-old didn’t want to put on jeans because “they feel cold.”

I helped my teen get up—even though they have two alarms.

I played cars with my 3-year-old. We counted them. Did a little math.

And only after all that did I finally sit down to do what I wanted—work on my podcast and write this post.

It was only 9:40 AM.

And I realized something:

When I put God and others first…I still end up having time for what I wanted. And even when I don’t—I don’t feel the same frustration.

There’s something powerful about putting others before yourself.

It changes your perspective.

It brings a kind of joy you can’t manufacture.

Almost like…God designed it that way.

Do you see your selfish tendencies?

What’s one small step you can take today to move away from that?

I’d love to hear your thoughts.

I’m right there with you—learning this one step at a time.

Leave a comment

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