I Am Selfish...

And what I chose to do about it

I have heard it said—and maybe you have too—that having kids will show you just how selfish you really are.

It’s true.

But lately, I’ve realized there is another layer to that statement:

Marriage will also show you how selfish you really are.

That’s a harsh reality. But anyone who has been married longer than the obligatory newlywed phase knows it.

You don’t even have to wait for kids to find out how selfish you are—just try to agree on what to eat, watch, or listen to. That should do it.

Okay… you might be feeling a little deflated right now (thanks, Ana). But hold on—this is not where I’m leaving you.

Here’s the harsh but loving truth:

We are all selfish. Not just you.

Does that make you feel a little better?

Okay… how about this:

You don’t have to stay that way.

Back in December of 2024, my life as I knew it took a dark and upsetting turn.

I won’t go into details out of respect for everyone involved. But I will say this: the situation broke me to the point where I realized just how deep my selfishness ran.

What should have been a joyful time of year—Christmas—became heavy for my family. And a big part of that was how I handled being hurt by someone I cared about deeply.

Poorly. I handled it poorly.

I felt wronged, and I wanted that person to feel it—to understand how terrible what they did was.

And because of that, I made decisions I didn’t even want to make—decisions that were, honestly, worse than what had been done to me.

But when we’re being selfish… do we really count the cost?

I know I didn’t.

I realize I’m being vague, and it’s probably frustrating. I’m sorry for that. But this situation is deeply personal, and still a fresh wound for my family. I’m not quite ready to share more, especially since others involved aren’t ready for that either.

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Here’s the takeaway from that painful realization:

Selfishness kills relationships.

Because it only cares about itself—not about the other person or their side of the story.

Another hard truth… but it’s real.

After everything came to light—things I wish hadn’t—I had to face my part in it.

I had to repent.

Not just for what I did, but for what was underneath it.

I had to admit something I didn’t want to admit:

I am a selfish person.

And I needed to figure out how deep that root went, and it went deep into childhood.

But I’m not here to blame anyone (sorry, counselors). This is mine to own.

After that, I started making changes, and they were hard.

I realized I needed to be more present—to set aside my own wants in the moment when I hear:

“Play with me, Mommy.”
“Babe, can you help me?”

Even in the small, everyday things—like laundry and dishes—I needed to show up differently.

There were times I avoided those things because no one noticed… and I resented my family for it.

That’s hard to admit. But it’s true.

I was looking for recognition here on earth… instead of remembering where it actually matters.

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So what did I do about it?

The same thing you can do if you’re feeling convicted right now:

Please your audience of One.

That’s it.

Live to please God, because when you do that, you naturally begin to serve others, and God gets the glory.

Treat your family, your friends, your coworkers—everyone—as if their lives matter.

Because they do.

Get out of your own bubble.

Remember who you are:
A wife. A mother. A husband. A father. A grandparent.

We all have needs. And especially in marriage, how we treat our spouse reflects Christ and the Church.

He wasn’t selfish.

He gave His life.

Do we have that same heart toward our spouse? Our children?

If I’m honest… I don’t know.

But I want to.

Selfishness is something we’re born into.

But learning to die to self?

That takes a lifetime. And that’s okay.

Give yourself grace.

Repent when needed.

And take the next right step.

Ask God to help you when pride, resentment, or selfishness rise up.

Ask Him to remind you of His faithfulness… and His sacrifice.

Because when you truly see what He did for you, something shifts.

You begin to want to live differently—especially toward the people closest to you.

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This morning, my 9-year-old woke up before my 6:20 alarm and started asking deep questions while I was trying to read my Bible.

My 6-year-old didn’t want to put on jeans because “they feel cold.”

I helped my teen get up—even though they have two alarms.

I played cars with my 3-year-old. We counted them. Did a little math.

And only after all that did I finally sit down to do what I wanted—work on my podcast and write this post.

It was only 9:40 AM.

And I realized something:

When I put God and others first…I still end up having time for what I wanted. And even when I don’t—I don’t feel the same frustration.

There’s something powerful about putting others before yourself.

It changes your perspective.

It brings a kind of joy you can’t manufacture.

Almost like…God designed it that way.

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Do you see your selfish tendencies?

What’s one small step you can take today to move away from that?

I’d love to hear your thoughts.

I’m right there with you—learning this one step at a time.